Eyes On Me
by shirozora
Summary: The three top rules of love. Rule one: Don't fall in love with your best friend. Rule two: Don't have the hots for your brother's girlfriend. Rule three: Don't combine the aforementioned rules. Too late. [AU][Roxiri][Part 5 of 5] [FIN]
1. My Stupid Dilemma

**Author's Note:** Woe is me. A short story by Shirozora. The chapters vary from short to long, as is typical of _moi_, but this is a five-part fanfiction and nothing more. This is an AU written in a very bizarre fashion but I hope you'll like it. Curse those high school seniors for the inspiration.

**Copyrights**: All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney. Incidents and certain settings are based off of my world of SoCal and the plot is mine.

By the way, is it meterosexual or metrosexual?

Eyes On Me

1 – My Stupid Dilemma

Once upon a time, some people – whoever the hell they were – got together and wrote a book. Well, they didn't exactly write it because if they did, I would have read it from cover to cover and wrote notes in the tiny margins around each page. Because I really need that book. I know I do. You don't believe me? Well, here's my dilemma:

My best friend is a girl. Yes, it's a she. What, I'm not allowed to have a best friend who's…well, not a guy? You people are so lame. But yes, my best friend is a girl, the most awesome girl I've ever met, ever known, ever been in the presence of, and a billion other ways of saying that she's the most amazing person I've ever met.

Yes, she's amazing. She's so smart, so clever, so just damn cheerful. She's the world's best optimist I've ever laid eyes upon. She's sarcastic and mean, too...in a nice way, of course. You should see her lay it on Riku whenever he comes over with my cousin Orette. Always wondering if wind can talk whenever he tries to say something to her.

In short, she's the most amazing person ever. How many times have I said that anyways?

So, you see the dilemma? I hope you do. Because…well…I don't like talking about this. It's just weird…like…I don't know. How could I…oh what am I saying?

Okay, fine. I'll say it.

I…I like her. Well, no, I don't like her. I _love_ her.

See what I mean? I love her. I mean, I just…love her. It's not that she's pretty, although she is beautiful. It's just…her, something about her that makes me so…so happy. And I'm not really the happy sort. No, I left all that up to my twin brother. Yeah, I have a twin brother. A really happy, charismatic, happy-go-lucky twin brother.

He's her boyfriend.

There, there's my dilemma. See why I need that book that was never written? What, you still don't know what the book is? Well, it's more of an oral thing, handed down generation by generation. It's about love.

You don't fall in love with your best friend.

And you definitely don't have the hots for you brother's girlfriend.

And why's that?

If something goes wrong, there goes your best friend. If you steal your brother's girlfriend, he'll hate you forever. And since you live under the same roof…well you'll end up losing the girl anyways.

But what am I saying? Hell, my brother's already broken a rule!

See, I was going out with this one awesome girl. Name's Naminé. She's like the most amazing artist, painting the craziest things and stuff like that. She's a sweet girl, quiet and calm and kind. I was so in love with her and I thought I was in heaven every single day.

And then one day I was at the mall looking for something to give to her for Christmas. Yeah, totally cliché, isn't it? You go looking for a Christmas gift to give to your girlfriend and then you see her hanging around your brother in a way you can't exactly explain without getting all flushed and pissed off. I mean, what the hell was Sora doing! He's been going out with Kairi for like ages and there he was at the mall wandering around with Naminé, his arm around her shoulder. They seemed to think _they_ were the ones going out.

Naturally I followed them. Brilliant, aren't I? Well, I did manage to not get caught for the next three or so hours since it was near Christmas and the mall was jam-packed full of every type of person imaginable, from the little annoying toddlers screaming in the toy stores to the old great-great-great-great-great grandfather-looking old man who's taking ten minutes to decide whether to go up the escalator or not. And then there were those really, really, _really_ annoying pre-teen, teen, and older-than-teen-but-not-quite-too-old girls who just really, really, _really_ get on my nerves.

How so? Well I know so, especially since like half the school thinks I'm…er…_hot_. I give my brother the credit for making us the hottest twins at school but I don't quite appreciate it, especially when all the 'little' high school people – especially those damn freshmen girls - goggle at me like I'm the rediscovered eighth wonder of the world. That is just so damn annoying!

So there I was, tagging along several feet behind Sora and Naminé, ducking around people and getting smacked in the face with their shopping bags, while every other foot some gaggle of middle school, high school, or college girls point at me and giggle amongst themselves. That got me thinking that I must be looking like an idiot, trying to act all stealthy and not get smacked in the balls by some old lady's handbag while stalking my brother and my girlfriend.

Well here's how to look like an idiot: You run into the Mercedes-Benz sitting in the middle of the friggin' mall, waiting for some random dolt to go write his name on a piece of paper and hope he wins the lottery and take the damn car home. I mean, who the friggin' hell parks a friggin' car in the middle of the mall?

Yeah, I ran into the silver car. It hurt really bad. And it was really embarrassing. I was amazed Sora didn't notice the commotion. Naminé did, I think, but I don't think she knew who the idiot was who ran into the car sitting in the middle of the mall. I mean, who could miss that?

Besides me, of course.

But anyways, I got myself together and stood up behind the car only to see, all the way across the mall from me, Sora giving Naminé a quick kiss on the lips. The lips! What? Since when was my girlfriend having an affair with my brother? I just stood there, gaping, a huge bruise spreading on my forehead, while the two went their separate ways. And then there were people bustling around me, asking me if I was alright.

And then there were those girls giggling amongst themselves and pointing at me. And those little middle school jerks who are now attempting to imitate my spectacular Walk into the Benz move on store windows. And people around me in general snorting into their sleeves and hands and each other's shoulders.

Do they really think that's funny? I mean, they're laughing over my walking into a parked car and I'm getting all mad over some affair Naminé's having behind my back.

And then it got worse. How so? She broke up with me on Christmas Eve. Oh yeah. And in the worst way possible, too. See I was out that day helping Kairi with her last-minute shopping and I come home on my speed bike and I see this little package sitting on the doorstep of my house. Yes, Curious Me wanted to peek inside while the Paranoid Me kept nagging me about anthrax and ricin and all the great poisonous stuff random psychos keep sending to people in envelopes. Well anyways I opened the package at the doorstep and it was, of all things, the little black ring I gave to Naminé.

I think that says enough.

I know Naminé probably broke up with me because of Sora but I still don't know what Sora thinks because well, he is going out with Kairi and he did split me and Naminé up. Yeah, that asshole. He's been wondering why I've been acting like a jackass around him but I don't need to say anything. I know enough.

But still…what is he going to do to Kairi? Why doesn't he just break up with her? I mean…is a kiss worth breaking up over? Is a quick kiss signifying love? Ah hell, let's throw this question into the pot.

What _is_ true love?

I think I'm confusing myself.

"Hey Roxas, what do you think of this?"

I looked up and there was auburn-haired Kairi, standing right in front of me wearing a black spaghetti-strap tank top with a big shiny silver star shimmering in the middle of her…er…chest. She was also wearing a pair of low-riding jeans and a black belt with a star buckle to finish it all off. Oh yeah, and her sandals. And everything except her sandals had tags hanging off of them. And those damn little security button things. Ever worn something where the little security button rides up were you really don't want it to?

Yeah, we're shopping. What, you've never heard of a guy shopping? Oh get lost.

"I think it looks great," I tell her with a smile. She knows I can never say "No Kairi, it doesn't look good on you" but she also knows when I really mean it. And really, I meant it.

"You think so?"

"Kairi, since when did you not trust me?" I asked patiently. I leaned back against the wall I was sitting against and folded my arms. "That really hurt."

Kairi only laughed. Her laughter was…okay, I won't wax poetic but it was, to me, on par with one of my favorite songs, Simple and Clean-or the original Japanese version, Hikari. I don't think I could ever get tired of her or the songs. And that makes me pathetic.

"Oh come on, Roxas," she said. "You know I don't mean it."

"Oh? And how would I know that?" I perfectly executed a raised eyebrow at her. She said I looked like the Rock when I did that. I thought I looked like…well…a skeptical, cynical guy.

"Because we've gone through the same thing every time we go shopping for the past…oh, I don't know, thirteen years?"

My eyebrow really shot up. "I went shopping with you when we were in kindergarten? That's hard to believe."

She only scoffed and shoved me playfully on the shoulder. "You literal you. No wonder half the class hates you whenever we have debates."

Kairi may look like the most delicate person on the face of the Earth – although I cannot say the same because of Naminé – but when she wants to, she can be really strong. And yeah, my shoulder hurts. Just to let you know.

Why am I explaining everything? I feel like I'm talking to myself. Great, am I going crazy or something?

"…hello, earth to Roxas, wakey wakey," Kairi called out, waving her hands in front of me. Whoa, since when did her hands start waving around in front of my face?

"Hey, I'm awake, I'm awake," I assured her. "No go away and show me the next set you've got waiting."

She backed off. "This is my last set. But since you don't want me around you, I might as well just go-"

"Hey, I was just kidding!"

Kairi turned to go back to the dressing room. "I know."

I just hate it when I space out like that. Man, what's wrong with me? Wait, let me rephrase that: Man, what's been wrong with me?

While Sora's been gifted with the uncanny ability to pull off the stupidest pranks and stunts off and not kill himself – he actually jumped off the rooftop of our middle school hallway and he would not have broken his foot nor gotten suspended if he didn't time it so he could jump on our principal in the process – I have this really weird ability to just space out. You know, like this: You talk to me and I won't even know you're there. Hence, the saying "Was that the wind talking?"

I actually said that once to Kairi. I only found out a slap and five minutes afterwards that _she_ was the one talking to me. It took me a bouquet of her favorite flowers – I only know they look like little white stars, never mind their real name – and a night out at her favorite restaurant to make up to her.

Yeah, I'm actually quite willing to spend my money for her happiness. Isn't that what best friends do for each other? She was the one who helped me pay for my speed bike in the first place. And she got me the helmet, too. Ah hell we paid half of what the other owned, practically. That's how close we are.

But you know, it's just not the same anymore. That's the problem. I don't know, it's just that…I feel weird. I feel so weird…around her. Around Kairi. Like an oaf. Like I'm high on LSD, although I swear I never tried the real thing. Like I just had some laughing gas. Like someone set me on fire. Like I want to run a billion miles. Like I already ran a billion miles. Like ten other different ways of describing how awkward I suddenly feel around her.

I have no idea what's wrong with me. And that is scaring the shit out of me.

**Author's Note:** Yay. Part one of five. Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Questions? Praise, maybe? Oh yes, I take compliments, like duh! Clicky clicky the review button, please.


	2. Senioritis to the Promth Power

**Author's Note:** Yeah…so…that was an interesting reception. Just trying to capture the process of human thinking. Is this really how people think? Yeah, the three other stories are on hiatus, sorry, bite my ass, burn an effigy, or whatever. I'm not back on full schedule until the end of May.

**Copyrights**: All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney. Plot is mine, yadda, yadda, yadda. A lot of stuff's based after what I deal with at school, blah, blah, blah. So…enjoy. And by the way, Senioritis is the copyright of my high school. Yes it's a real word. XP

Eyes On Me

2 – Senioritis to the Prom-th Power

Spring. Spring is good, spring is great, spring I wish I could really appreciate.

Why do people like springtime anyways? I mean, all we get is rain and national tests and rejection – and acceptance letters, of course – letters from universities and senioritis and prom. Prom!

Let me make this very, very clear: I don't dance. Period. I don't care if it's the high school senior prom or some gala ball where I get to meet the leaders of every nation on the goddamn planet. I don't dance.

And what's senioritis? It's a contagious disease that reeks in every senior classroom and through every hall, especially during the second semester. In short, seniors slack off and start failing their classes because they think that they're over with school and yippee, they're off to some barnstorming tour in Europe or something great, only to come home and find out their university of choice rejected them because of some damn 'C' on their last report card.

Oh yeah, what a result for slacking off, eh?

To get to the point, it was spring.

Yeah. I hate spring. I mean, rain is nice but not so nice when it makes the streets really wet and you're streaking around town on a speed bike with only a plastic helmet on your head to save you if your bike slips and you skid into some tanker trying to make it to the other side under a yellow light. I actually saw it happen to some poor bloke who, I later heard, lost his arm because of the accident. Something about bones crushed beyond recognition.

Luckily I don't go around at a hundred miles per hour not wearing a helmet through one of the busiest streets in the city. See, I'm not that bloke. I'm a straight A-student who's not stupid enough to do something like that. Well, Sora probably would but that's his problem, not mine.

Oh yeah, and that reminds me.

I hate school. Period that, too.

""

"Roxas, did you finish answering all the questions on Mr. Lin's handout? You gotta help me, man! I fell asleep over the stupid packet last night, it was so fucking boring I could've died!"

I sighed. Oh no, not again…

"If I told you I didn't do the homework, what would you do, Axel?" I asked my other best friend as I turned around. Good ol' Axel, the punker kid with a penchant for not doing his homework. His excuse? Something about his beauty sleep being interrupted by homework. I laughed so hard when he told our ninth grade literature teacher that both of us got kicked out. Weird way to start a friendship but still, the best things don't always happen in usual ways.

Of course that leads to one asking for the definition of 'usual' but we won't go there. Why am I referring to myself as 'we'?

"I'd freak out, of course," Axel said with a smile. He ran a hair through his red hair. "And then I'll have to go pester your _girlfriend_ for the homework-"

"For the last time, she's _not_ my girlfriend. Geezes, Axel, you're just as bad as any one of them!" I said, waving my arm in the general direction of our high school as I tried to remember my locker combination and talk at the same time. For the record, it's not the best thing to do. Numbers and words don't go together. Period.

"Roxas, Roxas, listen. I know you're still in denial but-"

Yes, the locker opened! Time to pay more attention to what I need for the day than Axel's daily lecture about my behavior around Kairi for the past thirteen or so years. I can't believe he thinks I have like the hots for her. She's my brother's girlfriend, for crying out loud!

"Yeah, I know," Axel said, rolling his eyes, "but you have to wake up, man. The way you act around her is anything but being a friend."

"Proof, Axel? You haven't gotten any because I don't do anything to make it look like I like her because I don't like her."

"Hm…do you even realize how close you sit to her? And how you always smile whenever she's around? And how you actually laugh when she's there? And how you don't act like your calm, serious, depressed self when she's around in general? Sometimes you are just so busy talking to her that you piss your brother off. And she's the one who always has to tell you that I want your attention or something. Being around her is like you're off in another world."

I stopped tossing stuff into my shitty brown locker and looked at him. I heard nothing until that last sentence. Whatever he was saying was mumbo-jumbo but me being in another world around her? My feet are planted squarely on planet Earth unless I'm on a plane and I'm not on a plane right now, am I?

"So…" Axel's little smirk again, "am I right or am I right?"

"You are wrong and you are wrong," I said and slammed the locker shut. "C'mon, let's get to class."

"Oh yeah, and another thing," Axel began as we started for the stairs to the second floor of the building we were in, "you always sit next to her."

"Oh? And what about you and Larxene? You always sit next to her."

"Oh please, brother! She's the one sitting next to me. Can't resist my charms, if ya know what I mean."

He winked at me. I only sighed. Typical of Axel. "Then I might as well move away, if only to resist your so-called 'charms'…"

Just to annoy Axel, I ran.

Note to self: don't run through a school hall before school. It's not that you'll accidentally run into someone's open locker. Nobody's that stupid. Honestly, the stuff that happens in those stupid high school chick flicks are just full of shit. I mean it. We high school students aren't stupid enough to run into lockers. We're stupid enough to run into people.

After all, I am the one who ran into the Mercedes-never mind. Let's not go there.

So there I was, running down the hall, dodging people and lockers while Axel's yelling something awful behind me. I couldn't tell if he was getting closer or if I was losing him, so I just ran like hell. I went through one hall, out the double doors, and over the concrete walkway to the neighboring school building. There were fewer people in the hall so I just ran, looking back constantly to see if Axel was even trying to chase me now-

Pain. Really intense pain. The next thing I knew I was falling. I closed my eyes tightly and cursed while my world spun in circles. I was aching all over; these tiled floors are quite unforgiving to idiots like me who run wild through halls only to run into a fellow student. That and I banged my head against the wall. My ears were ringing. My brain was pounding against my skull. It hurt. It was horrible.

Cross off horrible. That was a major understatement.

"Roxas? Roxas, are you alright?"

…that was…Kairi?

Something soft and warm and cool touched my face. I shivered slightly as I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a pair of purplish-blue Converse. Then slowly I turned my head slightly to look up. It was Kairi. She was crouching down next to my head, her eyes brimming with worry. I…I had _never_ seen her look like that. That look on her face, the way her expressive blue eyes watched me, it was…strange. I shivered again but I couldn't look away. I couldn't.

"What…" Was that my voice? It sounded so distant. "What happened?"

"You uh…" Kairi turned her head to look somewhere in the direction of where my feet must be. I kept…staring at her. Kairi in profile. I never really noticed the curves in her face before. It was…fascinating. "You ran into Naminé, if you really want to know-"

Shit. Of all the luck in the world, couldn't some of it at least go my way? Why did I have to run into my ex-girlfriend in the first place? Who up in the high heavens thought it was great fun to position her so that I could run right into her while trying to get away from Axel? And have Kairi right there seeing the whole spectacle made everything worse. O ye cruel, cruel gods…. I closed my eyes tightly and curled up like one of those fetuses you see in those biology books. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to deal with the world right now. Just go away, please, go away and let me drown in my humiliation and misery. If only I didn't decide to prank Axel and his stupid 'charms'. Damn me and my stupidity, damn me and my horrible, horrible luck, damn me and my goddamn fucked up life-

"Roxas, are you alright?" Someone was fingering my bangs, brushing them over my forehead. Another chill up my spine. Something was pounding in my ears. Something other than the sickening sound of impact, which was already fading away.

Am I alright? Of course I'm not alright! How the hell could I be alright, when I acted like a complete and utter fool running down a school hall, crashed into my ex-girlfriend, and have the whole spectacle witnessed by my best friend? But then again…why should I be embarrassed in front of my best friend? What was there to fret about? I had my share of moments; it must be a thing that runs in our family. Not that I won't go there. But everyone knows us twins were always getting into things, be it Sora's chalk fight in the eighth grade or me falling down a flight of stairs and landing at the feet of our high school principal and the superintendent of all the schools in our district. You know, like the CEO of every school within a five-mile radius.

But why was I feeling so embarrassed? If it was just regular people, even a teacher or two, I'd just get up and mutter something evil while hobbling away. But here I was, trying to hide inside myself while Kairi was…what was she doing?

"Whoa, what happened here?"

That was definitely Axel's voice. He had finally caught up to us. And then…Naminé.

"I thought he outgrew first grade," she was saying. "Apparently he needs to go back to elementary school and relearn his manners. The nerve of him."

Naminé, how could you say something like that? What happened to the sweet, gentle girl I used to know? What the hell's going on? What did I do? What did Sora do?

"Hey." Kairi. Her voice had a harsh, defensive edge to it, a tone I _never_ heard her use before. She was mad. "I don't want you saying that around him. Go away, Naminé. You're bothering him."

She was still touching my hair. It was the weirdest feeling. I felt all cold and hot, and relaxed and tense, and every other contradictory duo of words that existed in the English language.

"Fine," I heard Naminé say. "Have it your way."

I heard distancing footsteps. But my ears were ringing with her words. The tone in her voice…I didn't like it, period. Was she up to something? Wait, was this Naminé? This girl, my ex-girlfriend, she was a stranger. A complete stranger. Did we even date or was I just dreaming about her? Maybe I was dreaming about her. Damn these rose-colored glasses people always talk about. I see nothing rosy about her now. Or hear her at least.

"Something's definitely weird about her," I heard Axel declare. "Hey, shoo, go away. Enough sightseeing! Haven't you your own high school dramas to deal with, huh, huh? Fuck off!"

"Axel," Kairi began warningly but he interrupted her. "As I was saying, there's something definitely weird about her. Something very, very weird. Was she ever like that, Roxas? Hey, Roxy, you hear me? Hello?"

No, go away, just leave me alone. It hurts. My whole body hurts and my head hurts and I just want to go home and forget everything and…

"My head hurts," I found myself whispering, then bit my tongue. Great, now I sound like one of those whiny little first graders. I didn't say that, I swear…

"Well serves you right running down the hall like that," Kairi said smartly. "You banged your head against the lockers falling over Naminé. Lesson one: Unless you want to fracture your skull, don't run like a drunk driver down a school hall, okay?"

"I don't drink," I muttered. My head was really swimming. Things were going in and out of focus and Kairi had four eyes. That…really didn't look right. And what was that big red fuzzball off in the distance? I blinked and everything focused for a moment before everything dislocated but I knew that was Axel. Axel a big red fuzzball? That was…weird.

"No, Roxas," she sighed. "I told you you were too literal. Are you feeling alright, Roxas?"

She kept touching my hair. Why? She…she never touched my hair like this. Not ever. She did ruffle my hair every now and then, because I often did that to her, but the soft strokes, the brushing aside of my bangs, her cool fingertips, it was all surreal, all just weird.

"Roxas?"

The voices were fading. The hammer in my head was drowning everything out. That was all I could hear now. My eardrums were pounding with the hammer.

And then I just closed my eyes.

""

"Okay, fine, if you don't like her then she likes you. Happy? I'm happy."

"Axel, just shut up. I don't want to deal."

Today could be the crappiest day of my life. That whole escapade knocked me out cold for most of the school day, I found out later. And Axel managed to concoct some excuse to sit with me in the nurse's office and skip Mr. Lin's class. First-class genius, I swear. He almost got kicked out like every hour by the nurse for fiddling around with her equipment and scaring the 'wittle kiddy widdies' who visited her office with complaints of stomach pain and headaches and coughs and etc. And no nose could stand the nurse's office. I swear the place reeked of rubbing alcohol and old woman's smell. And the thin cotton blanket…I don't even want to know what it's gone through.

But that wasn't it. Because I woke up with Axel _and_ Kairi practically hovering over me. That scared the bejeesus out of me and I sat up and I yelled and then they yelled and then some other kid in the room with a sprained ankle yelled and then the nurse assistant yelled and then half the main office freaked out and…we got an hour-long lecture about our rude conduct in the main offices, especially us three seniors. It was horrible; my head was still pounding away and then our old nurse was yapping in her high voice and Axel kept elbowing me. I don't know why in hell he decided to do that but I finally decided to pinch him in the side. Hard.

Thirty minutes' worth of more lecturing later we were free. School was over.

And then it was sprinkling and then…not sprinkling. Okay, the weather's got bipolar disorder. Oh look, it's sunny-no wait, not sunny. And there was my brother and oh look he's mad. He's standing there with our friends and he's clearly not a happy camper, sunshine or no.

And since when did Sora need to stick some tracking device – GPS to be specific - on his girlfriend? The first thing he demanded was where she was and she told him point-blank that she's been with me because I banged myself up earlier in the school day. Then it dawned on me.

Kairi, one of the top seniors in our high school, didn't go to class at all? Oh my god, was the whole friggin' world turning upside down? Someone tell me when the gravity's going to be switched off.

And there I was, spacing out and away while Riku and Tidus and Axel and Selphie and Wakka and Yuna and Aerith and Hayner and Orette and the rest of our pretty big group of friends tried to mediate some growing argument between my brother and my best friend. And once I came back down to Earth, they were nearly at blows.

"…didn't see you the whole day, you have any idea how scared I was? You never missed a day of school before so why the change?"

"Unless my eyes and my ears deceive me, you don't care whether or not your brother gets run over by a damn tanker! At least I care whether or not your brother faints in the middle of the school hall!"

"I wasn't there! How was I supposed to know?"

"Grow up, Sora. If this is how you treat Roxas, I'd really like to know how you really want to treat your girlfriend and the rest of our friends."

Then she turned and walked towards me, grabbed my arm, and literally dragged me away. I didn't even bother to fight; my head was still pounding and I was just so damn sick and tired of today. Rain didn't help lighten my mood either. Some people would sing when it rains…or rained, in this case. I pout. Or so people say. I mean, I frown, but people say I pout. What's the difference anyways?

Why am I thinking this? My best friend just had a huge verbal fight with my brother and I'm worried about how I frown? Where the hell are my priorities?

In any case Kairi let me go after a while, after school had long since disappeared, but she didn't talk. And so we were rather silent as we walked to her house. I kept looking at her, wanting to see the look on her face and wanting to read her mind to figure out what she's thinking, but she had her head bowed so I couldn't see anything past her bangs. And so I decided not to talk. When Kairi get's that way, even one squeak would result in a verbal lashing from her.

After I dropped her off, I walked all the way back to school just to get my speed bike. Brilliant, aren't I?

Axel was waiting for me there. And that's where we had that stupid conversation. Or should I say 'having'?

"No, seriously, the way she was at it, it was like she likes you, you know?" Axel was saying. He was dancing around my bike, obviously trying to keep me from getting away.

"Axel, we're best friends. How can she_ not_ like me?"

He stopped dancing. Finally. "She's right. You _are_ literal."

"And your point is?"

"I'm not talking about that sort of 'like'. I'm talking about love like. As in she likes you as in she loves you."

"Uh yeah, can't best friends love each other?"

"Depends. Are you talking about friend love or love-love?"

O gods, I really didn't want to deal with this. I twitched the key and the engine rumbled to life. "Look, Axel, I really don't want to talk about this, okay?"

"My friend-" Oh no. "-we _do_ need to talk about this. I should have seen it years ago. All the signs were there and yet my eyes deceived me again and again and again-"

"Maybe because you were too busy looking at Larxene's ass-"

"Shut up. We're talking about you, not me. And I don't look at Larxene's ass. I like her face."

"Or her breasts," I snorted as I pulled out my helmet. It was a nice dark metallic blue. Very pretty. Very, very pretty. Kinda like Kairi's eyes when she gets upset. I hate it when she gets upset but at the same time…I like it. O damn it!

"Tsk, tsk, you think all men are alike. How very sad, coming from someone like you."

"Yeah, I'm secretly a girl," I retorted sarcastically as I shoved the helmet on. Bad move. My head was still sore. And that really hurt. "Ow! Why did I bang into the lockers in the first place…"

"So you're planning a sex change or something? And remember, you were the one running away from me."

"No, Axel, and you're the one talking about your so-called 'charms'."

"Hey, I _do_ have charms, compared to Mr. My-Heart-Got-Broken-By-A-Stonehearted-Bitch. Moping over Naminé breaking up with you on Christmas Eve-"

"I'm not moping!"

"Okay, then, explain your behavior."

"What behavior?"

"Ever since last year you haven't been the same, man. You did actually smile, unless you forgot. And out of the blue you get all defensive over nothing. I mean, what is going on, Roxas?"

I stared at him as I pulled on the visor of my helmet. Rose-colored glasses. UV protection-colored glasses. So many different ways of viewing the world.

And since when did I go and get all defensive over nothing? I have nothing to be offended against. Nothing offends me! So what was he talking about?

"Nothing. Nothing's going on."

"Yeah, well, that's what you say. But now I know."

"Oh do you?" I raised an eyebrow under my helmet as I inched the speed bike forward. "Hurry up. My engine's overheating thanks to your useless talk."

Axel had his mouth open to say something but shut it as soon as I said that. Oh my god, did I actually say that? Me calling my friend's words crap? Useless? Worthless? A bunch of hot air? A waste of my time? Axel, I didn't mean it, I swear!

His dark eyebrows were narrowed dangerously. I couldn't tell what shade his eyes were but I knew they were darkening considerably. And there was that frown on his face. It really was an ugly frown, edging on a snarl. He always looked like a feral cat when he was this mad. And I really hated it when he was this mad.

"Useless?" he hissed. "Useless? Well I'll give you useless, Roxas! I want you to wake up for once and understand what you're feeling. Yeah, that's right, what you're _feeling_. Why? Let me say this again: you're in love. You're in love with your best friend and you're so fucking blind it's disgusting! And I'm sick and tired of watching you do nothing, so damn tired of you ignoring your feelings because of whatever shit happened last year! When are you going to wake up for once and forget the past and realize all of this? When!"

I stared at him. That was all I did. I just stared. What else could I do? He was so mad and he so deeply believed that I was in love with Kairi. He's got to be joking, right?

"Axel, listen, I don't-"

"No, Roxas, no. I don't want you to answer. This is what Mr. Lin calls a rhetorical question, and I want you to go home and think on it for the next couple of days. Or weeks. Or months even. Maybe forever. I want you to go home and ask yourself: Am I in love? Because, Roxas, you act like you do."

"How-"

"Just shut up, you fucking idiot! I told you, go home!"

And he just spun around on his heels and walked off. That was that. He just…walked off. And I just stared after him, the engine of my speed bike overheating, my mind just frozen and mashed up by…by….

Would verbal abuse count?

But I don't love Kairi! I know I don't! So what is he talking about? What is Axel-okay, forget it, I'm going home. If Axel wants me to, I'll do it. I'll go home and I'll sit there and I'll ask myself if I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend.

Yeah. I'll do that. And I'd better hope my brother doesn't overhear me talking to myself out loud like I usually do.

He'd kill me.

But as I cruised down the rather empty streets towards home, I just had to think about what Axel said.

Am I in love? I've been in pain for so long since Naminé gave me back my black ring, which I now wear on the middle finger of my left hand. Been in pain for so long I can't distinguish between emotions anymore. Been in pain for so long I bury myself in my friendships with Kairi and Axel and think that's how my high school life will end.

And why Kairi? Why does he think I'm in love with my best friend? I mean, that's just not right. We've known each other for so long, it's kinda creepy thinking about it.

And then I just…I just remembered the way she kept touching my hair. That was so weird. I mean, firstly, I kept freaking out. And secondly, she's never done that before. So…what does that mean? Does that mean anything at all?

And what about those other times? Wait, what other times? I mean, I'm always jumping whenever she puts a hand on my shoulder, and I'm always feeling like I'm high or something supposedly close to being high whenever she smiles at me. Yeah…whenever she smiles at me I feel like running miles around the school track.

What does that mean?

I'd better stop thinking about this until I get home. That's the third red light I've ignored and that has got to be the fifth STOP sign I nearly ran into.

**Author's Endnote:** I'm only updating this so early because I promised some people. Don't expect stories to be updated this quickly. But please review. Press that little button, yes? I'd love your thoughts on this.


	3. Socrates Speaks Bullshit

**Author's Note:** Oh gods I am so sorry for confusing the hell out of everyone. I'm still struggling with my schedules because it turns out I have ways of getting around my dad's restrictions (as usual; I always find ways) BUT since this is a five-part story, I'm going to finish this story. The other stories I'll decide on later…because right now I'm really running low on creativity and that's…not good.

**Copyrights**: All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney but the plot is mine. Um…mind the language and yeah. I hope you enjoy.

Eyes On Me

3 – Socrates Speaks Bullshit

Okay, I confess. As soon as I got home that day I went straight to bed and forgot about everything. Literally. I woke up at midnight wondering why the sun hasn't risen yet. Yes, I'm that stupid. Plus I broke my alarm clock like a week ago. Long story short: It rang, I was pissed, I grabbed the little sucker, and I chucked it across the room. And I wasn't going to wake Sora up by barging into his room just to see what time it is. Uh, no.

But as I stared out the window I noticed his car wasn't in the driveway. Yeah, my brother drives. It's a Civic, a right ol' piece of work in the nicest blue I've seen. Kinda like Kairi's eyes…what! Wake up, Roxas! What the hell are you thinking?

But as you can see, he drives and I ride a speed bike. We're very…different. His room's a regular nightmare and mine's Spartan. I'm always the one up past twelve studying for some stupid test that he studies for in like five minutes. And when he complains about how I got a higher A than he did I just want to take my folder and smack him on the head.

And he's the one most comfortable around women. Not me. Aside from Kairi – and Naminé, just to be fair – the only other girls I've been around are the friends that we share. It's a handful – and a mouthful to name – but it goes to show how pathetic and awkward I am around the opposite sex. Thank goodness Axel stopped making that point months ago. I wouldn't mind his comments about my unwillingness to hang around with new girls but whenever he added that bit about our mother…well…

Anyways, Sora wasn't home yet. But that was only for a second, because he finally pulled into the driveway. And then I decided it was a good idea to look at my cell. It was way past twelve. Not midnight after all. I was off by a good hour. But what the hell was he doing out so late? If the police caught him past curfew…

But that's not the point. That was so not the point. Because gradually bits and pieces of the conversation between Axel and me kind of came back together and linked into a coherent chain of words I could understand. And I needed to understand a lot these days. Axel would not talk to me for a whole week and Kairi was often forced to act as messenger for us. She wanted to know what happened but what was I supposed to say? "Oh we got into a fight over whether or not I'm head over heels in love with you"?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

But when she started yelling at me, I got scared. Deep down inside, I got so scared. She was so angry, so sick and tired of trying to figure out what happened between us, and so incredibly disgusted by our 'immaturity'. And she was screaming at me when Axel walked by, almost by accident. As soon as he saw us, he tried to turn around and run but she saw him and started shouting at him, too. She embarrassed us in front of the whole school, so we had no choice but to apologize to each other for "something stupid that happened a few days ago."

We probably wouldn't have been talking for the rest of the year if Kairi hadn't gotten so angry at us.

Weeks dragged by. We were getting accepted and rejected at various universities and colleges. Sora, who had been barely pushing it, somehow got into Stanford. That was weird. And of course, our genius friend Yuna got accepted by half the Ivy League, which still was an accomplishment for her, the bookworm. Me? Well, what can I say? I did get into Northwestern and University of the Arts somewhere along the East Coast but what I was really shooting for was Cambridge, all the way across the world in England. I'm a pretty crazy person as is. Shooting for something so high I can't even see it. Poor pathetic me.

And us seniors, we were shifting into high gear for those special senior events that always took place during the spring, like picnics and trips to amusement parks, and all sorts of other stuff that we're forced to spend our money on just so that we seniors can go and have fun. Fun? What fun? I'm telling you, it really is a waste of money. The number of times I've been to Disneyland…I mean, if our family friend is like a descendent of friggin' rotten dead Walt Disney, you can imagine how many times I've been to the happiest place on earth.

And I hate roller coasters. Call me a sissy but I just do. Which is why I also think Six Flags Magic Mountain is a waste of money. And time. I have better things to do. Like what? I don't know. I'll think of something…if I get the chance.

Mull over the evil known as senior prom will probably be what I'll be doing. Since I'm not one to go around asking girls out, they've been asking me. And I've said "No" so fast sometimes…well it's pretty amazing but one of the girls actually burst into tears. Ariel, I think. Well, it was pretty scary. I think I should just go to school with a paper bag on my head so nobody knows who the dorkus wandering around the school campus is. If nobody knows, then they won't ask and if they don't ask, I'll be safe.

For the record, I know Sora got tickets for both him and Kairi.

I really hope Axel skips out on the prom, too. Because then it'll be just the two of us, hanging around at my place, watching stupid movies and laugh at every second of it and joke and talk about our futures and everything.

Because I think I do need to talk to him now. About what he yelled at me weeks ago. About me. About Kairi. About us.

Because I just don't see Kairi the same way anymore.

""

How did I come to this conclusion? It wasn't long before senior prom was on the lips of practically every senior in the whole goddamn school. Prom, prom, prom, prom, this and that and that and this. Oh how shall I do my hair? Should I rent a limo? I dare you to ask that fat girl out to the prom! Where are you going to get your tux? Check out this catalogue on dresses! Who asked you out? Are you going? Aren't you going? You're not going? Why? I can hook you up, you know. No seriously, you're not going? Why the hell not? C'mon, it'll be fun! Okay, if you don't think dancing's fun, then you haven't had a life yet! No, believe me when I say this. If you have not gone dancing then you had not lived a life yet. Period.

"No, Kairi, I really don't want to dance," I was telling her over and over again while tailing her all around the store. I think it was Windsor or something. We haven't been to this store so I haven't had time to memorize the name. Well, we have, but it was just Kairi window-shopping and gaggling at the crazy gowns these insane people display just for girls – and guys, cross dressers and those with big imagination – to drool over.

"You not wanting to dance is not a good mentality, Roxas," she was saying as she tossed me another dress to carry around for her. I looked at it. "Kai, this dress doesn't match you."

She stopped sifting through racks of prom gowns and turned to me. "And since when did you start calling me 'Kai'?"

Oh shit. I just used the nickname Sora reserved for her. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit...

"Um…ri?" I added hopefully. Why did I say that?

She only smiled, shook her head, and turned back to continue looking through dresses. As soon as she turned around, I sighed in relief. She probably would have heard me if there weren't so many other girls in the store looking through dresses, too. Okay, I really don't like the look some of the girls are giving me. Either they were checking me out or they were wondering if I was bi, gay, or metrosexual – is that the right word cuz I really don't remember. Because apparently, men don't go around helping women pick out dresses the way I do and am doing right now.

Involuntarily I inched towards Kairi while trying to watch and see what those girls were doing. I didn't realize what _I_ was doing until I bumped into someone. Namely, her.

"Ahhh-Roxas? Uh, Roxas, are you okay? Hello?"

Because as soon as I turned around I froze. Yes, I actually literally froze. Was I even breathing? I don't think I was. Because the only thing I did notice was my heart. It was beating the hell out of my chest, drowning my eardrums. Words fallen on deaf ears. All I heard was my heart racing out of control. I thought I was having a heart attack or something.

Because I was so close to her. I was practically pushing her against the rack, with the only thing between us being the dresses I was holding for her. She was staring up at me, looking shocked, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. And I kept staring at her eyes. Kept noticing the purple flecks in the clear blue sea. It was so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful.

And right then and there I had the most incredible, strange urge to kiss her. I just wanted to go and drop the dresses and sweep her off her feet and kiss her hard on the lips. I wanted to know what she tasted like, what she felt like, how she breathed, how she moved, how she…everything, really. Because when you're just a friend, you only know so much. I wanted to know more. I wanted to-

Roxas, what the fuck are you doing!

And then I woke up out of that dreamlike state. It was like a dream. I was dreaming? Like…I fell asleep on my feet and I dreamed I ran into her and I wanted to kiss her and-

"Roxas, do you need to sit down?" Kairi was slowly pushing me back. "Are you feeling alright?"

I blinked at her. "Uh…no, no I'm fine. I think I'm fine. S-sorry about that. Those girls…they're scaring the crap out of me…if you know what I mean…"

She stared at me as though I was crazy. Maybe I _am_ crazy. I sighed. Forget it. I don't know. Maybe it's those damn hormones the Health teacher was always screeching about last year. Or maybe I'm just buying into what Axel's always telling me. Or maybe I am just crazy.

Or maybe I am in love with her.

No. No way. No way in HELL. That's just wrong. I can't-no way. Oh my god, falling in love with someone you've known all of your short miserable life? That's just…I thought love was when you find someone new, not someone you've known forever…

But then you look at the media and their ideology of true love. You know, that one special person you'll always love, no matter what? I used to think my soul mate was out there somewhere and that eventually we'll cross paths and the rest would be history but I kind of gave that up when I had a small crush on Selphie in the sixth grade and found it passing away within a month. And Naminé dumping me kinda made the idea nonexistent. Gone. Nada. Etc.

But…I've known Kairi forever…and I wanted to _kiss_ her? Gods, that's just so wrong-

"Roxas? Roxas, be honest: are you okay? Do you want to go home or something because I'm perfectly okay without you here…if you know what I mean."

Kairi touched my arm and I looked at her. And my heart just sank. She had that look, that concerned, caring, serious look that I just loved. Honestly, sometimes I acted a bit depressed just to see it on her face – oh my god, and this goes all the way back to third grade. Third grade?

I smiled – or rather, I tried to smile – and said, "No, I'm fine, Kairi. Really, I am. And I'm not leaving until you find your dress."

I winced inwardly. That could not have been my voice; I sounded so ridiculously shaky and…well…not me.

"Roxas, I won't put you through this if you don't feel like it-"

"Kairi, I've been following you around the mall for the past several years and I'm not about to stop now. Don't try to dissuade me."

She blinked. And then a smile came to her face, broke through the sad worry like sunshine on a rainy day. And then she _hugged_ me.

"Meep!" was the only sound that came out of my strangled throat.

"Roxas," she said into my ear. She was whispering. "Roxas, you're so amazing, did you know that?"

"That's funny," I managed to squeak out; every girl in the store was staring at me. Was there something on my face? Was I…blushing? Oh no, no way, no way! Damn it! "Everyone's been saying I was pathetic for all my life."

"Well screw them," she retorted. "I think you are."

And then she backed off, gave me another smile, and resumed searching through gowns. Left me feeling all warm and bubbly inside. Subtly I poked my cheek, then pressed the whole of my hand against it. It felt hot.

I was blushing. Oh gods, fuck no! _This_! After everything I've been going through this past year, I have to start blushing over a hug in the middle of a store surrounded by girls whom I bet are so very gossipy, and with only a few days left before that godforsaken prom? Well I could be blushing because they're all staring but…

But what's this I'm feeling? It was like someone poured color on me, like a sudden wave of emotions, a tidal wave of confusion that left me gasping for reason, for understanding. But reason was washing away. All my defenses, my sound arguments, my logical reasoning, they were all being torn out of their supports to be washed out by and into a sea of irrationality. Of impulse. Of desire. Passion.

Rose-colored glasses. Another way of viewing the world.

Kairi was still searching. And I was watching. I was watching her. She was pouting as she pulled out a dress and scanned it critically before shoving it back in with its siblings, almost with disgust. She looked so cute when she was pouting-now she was smiling. She didn't mind sifting through the whole store in search of the perfect dress for the prom. She didn't mind at all.

And I stood there, watching her. I followed her wherever she wandered, took note of every slight movement she made, even the gentle swish-swish of her red hair as she brushed back her bangs. She was biting her lip, and for the longest time I stared at the _way_ she was nibbling at her bottom lip. Her movements, I noticed, were slowly becoming more and more agitated. She didn't act it but I knew very well she was growing worried that she hadn't found what she was looking for. All the dresses I was holding for her were potentials but she wasn't satisfied. I could feel the vibe coming off of her, felt it hitting me at a million miles per hour. Suddenly I felt like I could read her every emotion, her every thought, and understand her completely. And yet…and yet at the same time there was something about her, some mystery that I could not hope of taking a crack at.

What mystery? Why am I even thinking this?

And then she suddenly looked up. And I couldn't look away. I didn't know whether or not she realized I was staring at her for the past ten minutes. She didn't look all that bothered or surprised, actually. She was kinda smiling at me, like a slight, nervous grin. And then she was quickly looking elsewhere, charging through the whole of Windsor store and leaving me scrambling after her with all the dresses in my arms.

And I couldn't help but wonder.

What was that all about?

""

Prom was scheduled for Saturday at some random place near the beach. I really didn't care what the place was called but supposedly this year's prom was going to be a blast. Not that I felt like I was missing out on something. I told you, I didn't dance. And I have not gone to any school dances since the eighth grade, when I was part of the Leadership class and was forced to do _something_ at each school dance we scheduled.

Friday everyone was going nuts. The seniors were, at least. Selphie had this fat magazine on styles and fashions and was continuously flipping through the pages with Yuna and Olette and Yuffie and Aerith and Lulu and Rikku and Paine-okay, maybe not Paine, since she was going somewhere this weekend and didn't care if she was missing the prom. The guys, or at least the ones with dates, were casually talking about how much money was going towards the limo they were renting. I felt so left out. I was the only one who was going to be here Saturday and not going to the prom because I didn't have a date and I didn't care to dance. And it was all really just a waste of money. I had better uses for my money.

So I turned and left them sitting around the steps in front of the school's main entrance. They didn't even realize I left. Woe is me. I felt like such a nobody to them. I decided to go find Axel and see if he wasn't going to do anything on Saturday, but suddenly I wasn't walking towards his locker, all the way in the Science Building across campus. I was walking to the English Building, where Kairi's locker was.

E369…E369…where the hell was E369?

I came to the one green locker that had been hers for the past four years, with its chipping paint and mild graffiti. It was so well camouflaged and I, for all of my four years making the trip into this hall to this specific locker in front of these specific classrooms, could never locate the locker unless I repeated its number. It's pretty sad.

I stood there, wondering where she was. I didn't see her anywhere. I pulled out my cell. Seven forty-five. She should be here by now-

"Oh, Roxas! What are you doing here already?"

Never mind. I shut the cell and put it away, then looked up.

"Already? Aren't you the late one?" I said, smiling at the surprise on her face as she drew near. Then she was flushing.

"Sorry, I was kinda running late," she said. "Would you mind…moving? You're standing in front of my locker."

"I am?"

"Yeah, it's that one."

She pointed to the one I was leaning against. E367.

Damn it! I really am pathetic, aren't I? I glared at the number. "Dang."

"What for?" she asked, mildly curious as I inched back to the next locker and leaned against it.

"Oh…nothing." Nothing other than the fact I have yet to memorize your locker number, even though it's been four years since you've been issued the locker.

But then I totally forgot the number. Or at least I think I did. Because the next thing I knew I was watching her as she started moving things from the locker to the backpack and vice versa. She was looking pretty determined over something, I'm sure. She seemed intent on keeping her eyes glued to what was inside the locker.

"Um…is something wrong?" I couldn't help but ask. There was this vibe coming off of her and I really wanted to know what was bothering her.

"Huh? Oh…um…no…but thanks…for asking," she said quickly. Her eyes darted to me, to _me_, and then back, and suddenly she looked flustered. What was wrong with her? Was there something on my face? Was that why she kept staring into the jaws of her locker? Did I look ugly?

Maybe I am ugly. Which makes me wonder why such a pretty girl like Naminé went out with me for a year and a half. Where did all the looks go? To Sora, I suppose, that damn lucky bastard.

Wait…since when was he the lucky one? Damn it.

"Hey." Someone was touching my arm. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? What?" Wake up call at ten to eight in the morning. I blinked and suddenly her face shifted into focus. I stared, then instinctively leaned back against the locker, as far away from her as possible. "I…uh…yeah. Sorry I didn't have a lot of sleep last night."

"I don't know, Roxas. You've been kinda acting weird for a while now. Are you feeling alright? Did that head-banging escapade of yours do something to you?" she questioned. Then she placed the palm of her hand against my forehead. It felt cool and warm and cold and hot and just…weird. I suddenly felt nervous, wanted to run.

"Nothing's wrong…" she murmured. Then she looked me in the eye. "But what's bothering you?"

Purple flecks in a deep blue sea. A sea so blue. Amethyst against sapphire. Beautiful.

"What?"

Did I just say what I think I said out loud?

"Um…nothing."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're daydreaming way too much, Roxas. I thought it was bad Christmastime, when you fell asleep next to the loudspeakers at Riku's party. But you keep…phasing out…here and there…."

She just drifted off. And fell silent. Maybe she didn't realize it but her hand was slowly sliding down the side of my face. So slow I thought I was going mad. Her touch was leaving behind something like fire, something hot and nerve-wracking. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't. But I was frozen, my heart beating so fast it hurt.

And then she pulled her hand away and looked back to her locker.

"We should get to class," she muttered. Her voice was shaking. "Mr. Lin'll kill us if we're a millisecond late."

I should tell you that it's true. He has an atomic watch, one of those stupid, billion-dollar watches that supposedly measure the exact time, down to the very last millisecond. And he had incredible timing. As soon as the watch read seven fifty-six zero zero zero zero, he was closing the door. And that door closed fast. I almost lost my fingers trying to catch the door. I decided that next time I'll just go and get a yellow slip from the main office.

"Um…" My voice was caught in my throat; I coughed but my throat wouldn't loosen up. "Yeah…we should."

She started pulling out small binders – how many _did_ she have? – but she was erratic about it, and she dropped three of them. She stared at them as they slid across the tiled floor and to my feet, then slammed the locker shut while I bent down and picked them up.

"How many do you _need_ to have?" I asked as casually as possible as she took them. She was acting jittery, like she was high on something. I have seen people on a high. Pence had gone to a party thrown by some random idiot in physics class last year and he needed help getting home because he was so high. Apparently some brilliant asshole laced his Coke with LSD. The jerkwad was identified immediately as Seifer and our cousin, then-senior Squall otherwise known as Leon, proceeded to beat the shit out of his 'rival'.

And believe me, Pence was _scary_. Imagine a mild-mannered photographer hopeful screaming about how the moon was cackling at him and color dribbled all over him as Sora and I dragged him to Sora's car. He was acting all erratic and his limbs kept jerking. It was so traumatic that both of us freaked out over cough syrup when both of us caught the cold later that year. Colds in summer aren't great. But Sora and I were both paranoid over drugs, all drugs. Hey, like I said, we took Health class.

She smiled but it looked fake. Like she was hiding something. "Just enough. Just enough to survive senior year without a C. You know…let's just go."

I nodded, said, "Sure," and we started down the hall and down the stairs to E12, Mr. Lin's class.

Firstly, I know where his classroom was. Secondly, I know I have the number right…unless I switched the numbers…as I usually did…oh fuck. E1. I'm really stupid. I stood there and stared up at the number, wondering just how stupid I was. Did I like not have a sense of direction or something?

"Roxas?" Kairi asked. "Roxas, what's wrong?"

"Oh," I said, and I sounded sarcastic about it, "I'm just wondering why I'm such an idiot."

She sighed. "Roxas, I told you, you're not an idiot. You're not some pathetic jerk who goes shopping with girls and gets all paranoid about roller coasters and loves Disneyland like there's no tomorrow."

"But I do sound like one, now that you mentioned all that. I mean, who does go shopping with girls and panics over roller coasters and like goes to Disneyland once a month? Nobody does. They all have better things to do like…not act like a kid over things like that."

Kairi sighed again. But she sounded so miserable I had to look at her. She was looking at me and she looked…sad. As though she knew I was a pathetic blond idiot or something.

"Roxas…you're not pathetic. You're not an idiot. I know you think you're different from the other guys…and I have to admit, you are."

"Yeah, see what I mean-"

"But Roxas," she kept repeating my name , "Roxas, that makes you who you are."

"Yeah, I kinda know that-"

"Oh would you just stop it?" she snapped. "Stop pushing yourself down into the mud. You're not pathetic. You're not a jerk, you're not an idiot. You're not a kid. You're not a sissy. You're not gay, as I overheard Vivi say while going to my locker. You-you're-you're-"

"A nobody," I supplied, even though I knew she'd get all mad over that, too. "I mean, if nobody noticed me leaving-"

"I did."

I stared at her. "You weren't even there when I left."

"As a matter of fact, I was. I just got there and I saw you leaving and nobody was saying anything. You know, I had to ignore my own boyfriend following you."

"Why? Why leave Sora hanging?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it shut into a tight, thin line. Now she looked baffled.

"I…I don't know. I can't ignore my best friend, Roxas, even if he thinks himself an idiot, a jerk, a sissy, and whatever else he thinks himself to be. Because he's not. You're not what you keep labeling yourself and you're definitely not what people call you or treat you as. You're really unique, Roxas. Special. But in a good way. I don't want to hear you say something about being in special ed because you're not retarded."

"I wasn't," I protested. Really, I wasn't going to say that…well, maybe I was. She knows me too well. "Okay, fine, maybe I was. But what's your point, Kairi?"

"My point?" Then she was looking away, at something on the ground. "I don't know, Roxas. But I get…I get so mad, whenever you talk about yourself that way. You've been saying it a lot now, since Naminé broke up with you. Sometimes I just want to go…and smack you in the head with my folder. Knock some sense into you. Because I think you're special. Unique. Amazing. And that's why I love you. You're not like the other boys I've known all my life."

"Oh, and my brother?"

She smiled. "Well, him, too. There's something about you two that just makes you guys stand out. And here I am, one twin as my best friend and the other as my boyfriend. Testament to some bizarre genetics running in your family. Or maybe…"

And then I realized that she had inched forward, had come so close we really were face to face.

"Or maybe what?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. But then I didn't. I couldn't. The girl, my best friend, the one I was starting to feel strange around, had her face right in front of mine. Deep inside, my gut was twisting, panicking. She didn't notice, though.

"Maybe…" she was whispering to herself now. "Maybe there's just something…and I can't reach for it…no matter what. It's always there, out of my reach, and no matter how hard I try…I can never take it…never…reach for it…"

She was talking in fragments. It was…scary. Very scary. Very, very scary. I could not put enough emphasis on the 'very' to explain what it was like, standing face to face with my best friend, who was muttering something odd and who was lost in her thoughts.

"Uh…Kairi…"

She blinked. Her eyes refocused. "Hm?"

"You're stepping on my foot."

''

During nutrition I looked for Axel but I couldn't find him anywhere, not even at his locker, which was usually where we met before heading over to the bigger group of friends. And during lunch I continued looking for him. I was searching the Science Building top to bottom when I heard gossip. I have an ear for gossip. It's weird, you know, since I _am_ a guy, but I guess that's what comes out of hanging around with a girl for most of your life.

"…it took her _how_ long to figure it out? I mean, it was so obvious from the start but it took how long? Fourteen years?"

That was Selphie! Who was she talking about? The bouncy brunette was not one to gossip but who…

I carefully walked towards the source of the voice. Then…more voices.

"They've been so close that anything else she felt was probably ignored." That was Yuna, Tidus's girlfriend that friggin' genius. "Maybe she thought that came with a cross-gender friendship but I always knew there was something about her…"

Cross-gender? Wait a minute…

"That could explain why her attitude started changing." Aerith now. Always in tune with people's inner selves. "Or maybe it's just maturity. We were pretty stupid back then, after all. Remember when we toilet papered Cloud's house?"

"Yeah! Too bad he knew who did it!" Selphie laughed. One could not ignore or hope to ignore that high-pitched giggle.

"Yeah, and why are we talking about this?"

"Oh c'mon, Paine, this is our friend we're talking about! It's called discussing a friend's dilemma. And now that we're discussing it…she's in pretty big trouble."

"Why, because she's going out with-"

Someone nearby slammed a locker door open and I, unfortunate woeful me, didn't catch it. But then I did hear what Aerith had to say before the locker slammed again.

"You think she went out with one because she didn't want to ruin her friendship with the other in the name of love?"

One…the other? Are they both connected? Wait…went out with one…with the other…wait, wait, wait! Were they saying…were they-no, impossible!

I turned and ran, ran as fast as I could, out the door out of the building and all the way to…somewhere, anywhere. The library, maybe.

I barged through the doors and the librarian, Mrs. Rowling, barked, "Quiet down! And no monkey business, understand?"

"Sorry…" I panted, swallowed, and, as casually as possible, I walked to one of the couches and sat down. I pressed my hands to my head, closed my eyes, listened to my heart pounding its way out of my chest and onto the floor. I could see it, bloody and beating wildly.

Where was Axel? I needed to talk to him. I really did.

Because I had such a bad feeling about this. I didn't try to push it, didn't try to get my mind to think beyond what I was beginning to sense about the whole thing. I was too scared.

Because they could be talking about a cross-gender friendship. My friendship with Kairi.

And from there, if I put together the pieces-wait, what am I doing? No, stop, stop you stupid brain, stop!

Because if I piece the pieces the together…

''

And lucky me. I still couldn't find Axel anywhere so I rode my motorcycle all the way to his house, which was about five minutes from the high school. But he wasn't home and neither was his dad, whom he lived with. Yeah, his parents were divorced. Something about his mom running off with another man and some money. Think the guy's name was Marluxia or something. I don't know. Axel never talks about his mom. Hates her to hell.

So I sat on the driveway, leaning against my speed bike, tracing random circles on my helmet until he came walking home, _grinning_ like the Cheshire Cat in the movie _Alice in Wonderland_.

"Whoa, what are you doing here, Roxas?"

I jumped up, totally forgot my helmet was on my lap, and fumbled after it. I straightened up, rubbing the helmet of the dirt clumps on it, and turned to him.

"Axel, I need to talk to you."

"About what?" he asked, walking past me towards the porch of his house. I stared at him. There was something funny going on here…

"Where were you? I couldn't find you all day."

"Oh…" He sat down on the steps and I sat down next to him. "Well…I…and you won't believe this…I got invited to the prom."

"Let me guess…Larxene?" Had to be. Just had to be.

And Axel nodded. "Yeah. And I said yes."

"So what did you-what!" I jumped up and nearly fell over. "You said 'Yes'! Why!"

"Roxas, man, what was I do to do? She was practically asking for a date. And on prom night! No way I could refuse that kind of invitation."

Oh my god, this can't be happening. No…I'd be spending Saturday all alone. Sora would be gone. Kairi would be gone. Axel would be gone. And our parents were going to be out of town for the weekend to visit one of our uncles. No, no, no!

"So, what do you need to talk to me about?"

"Huh? Oh…it's…it's nothing…I don't know."

I looked elsewhere, sighed. My heart felt so heavy, so heavy and so…confused. I was confused.

"I'm confused."

"Oh really? Big fucking surprise there. And over what?"

Should I tell him? He's going to boast about how he was right all these years…

"I don't know. I just thought…oh I don't know!"

I stood up. "I should go."

"Wait, wait, wait, Roxas, talk to me. You're not helping anyone here by not telling me anything. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I might not even be right, for all I know. It's just…well, I was going to say it's about some gossip I overheard but it's not gossip so there's no point in mentioning that, and then I was going to say that it had to do with prom but then again half of my life issues have to do with prom so that's not the point and-"

"Oh my fucking god, Roxas, you're talking the wrinkles off of my face! Get to the point, will you?"

And suddenly I was irritated. Very, very, fucking irritated. Pardon the language.

"Okay, you want to know what's going on, Axel? Do you fucking want an explanation? You've been pestering me about this for years and it took me like fucking yesterday to figure out what the hell was going on in my mind! Yesterday I wanted to kiss my best friend! My best friend! Now you tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do because…because I don't know."

And suddenly I realized that deep down underneath all my anger, I was scared. I was scared shitless. Oh my god, I was so scared, so scared about what I was feeling, about how I was feeling…

Axel was staring at me. His mouth was wide, wide open. He was practically speechless. Speechless. Axel the Charmer, Smooth-talker, Player, and Etc. was at a loss for words. I almost started smiling at the look on his face but that would have killed the mood. Big time.

"You-you-you mean…you're telling me…you're telling _me-_"

"That I like Kairi?" I started pacing on the lawn of his house. It was a dead lawn. As in a lot of dead grass. I could start a fire with this stuff. Except Axel's the pyromaniac. And he's not about to set his house on fire.

"You're being literal, aren't you?"

And this was the big confusion. Was I being literal…or was I really meaning it? Was 'like' such a weak word? Did it have so many uses one could not use that word to express oneself? There must be more words in English to express my feelings. There must be…

"…Roxas, Roxas, you gotta wake up man. Snap out of it! You're not giving me any feed here! Roxas!"

Something was moving in front of me. It looked like a…arm? I blinked, then turned and looked at Axel. He had the most worried look on his face. And I was able to read it. He was scared. He knew this was not me, that I wasn't acting like myself.

"Roxas, you have to tell me what's going on," he said, looking worried. "This isn't funny, man. You are so not acting yourself. Spill it. What the fuck's going on here?"

Tell him…what? Tell him that I wanted to kiss Kairi? Tell him the weird way Kairi's been acting? Tell him how I've been acting around her for a while now? Tell him just how blind I was to what I was doing? Maybe I should turn back time and study my friendship with Kairi in full detail, try and figure out when it happened, when I started…when I…

I turned to him.

"I love her."

**Author's Endnote:** It's going to take a long while to get part 4 up for various reasons, including the story _A Walk In Andante._ In the meantime, please review; I'd love your thoughts and opinions on Part 3. Enjoy puzzling over the chapter's title.


	4. Tears and Rain

**Author's Note:** The anticipated Part 4 arrives after all the pains taken to make sure this chapter was absolutely perfect. I hope you enjoy it, although I've come to realize by now that this story seems to be bashing Sora. Not that I meant to; I adore Sora but as this is Roxas's story, we know Sora only as he sees it.

**Copyrights:** All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney. The plot belongs to me.

**Extra notes**: It's long. Be prepared for a very long and rather "suggestive" chapter. Read with an open mind.

Eyes On Me

4 – Tears and Rain

"Know thyself."

Yeah, bite my ass Socrates. Like hell I know who I am. My name is Roxas, I'm going to turn eighteen in a few weeks, I'm a senior with like no life outside of my two best friends and I'm in love with one of them. And guess what? She's going out with my twin brother. Like friggin' hell I know who I am! I'm a pathetic asshole in deep shit right now!

Pardon the anger.

"Mr. Lin, you're really reaching me now, you know that?" I said rather harshly to the pack of papers I held up to the small desk lamp. It was two in the morning on a Friday night and I couldn't sleep for the life of me.

When I got home I locked myself in my room and basically didn't come out…except when I had the occasional need to obey the orders of the toilet in the bathroom down the hall. I didn't eat anything, didn't even go downstairs to say goodbye to my parents when they left home, and basically forced Sora to answer every phone call that came homeward. Both of us got phones in our rooms but I, clever me, unplugged my telephone, giving Sora the ungodly task of dealing with telemarketers. And then I went to bed with all my clothes on and unwashed face and all, trying to sleep off yesterday. Five minutes later I was still staring up at the ceiling of my room, counting the plastic stars that haven't come down from the ceiling since I was ten. Obviously sleep had not come so here I was for the past three hours or so, trying to understand what the fuck Socrates was talking about.

Yes, I'm tired. And frustrated. I'm not pardoning my fucking language this time.

"Damn it!" All I felt was anger and I wanted to hurt someone, damage something, anything. I grabbed my homework and threw it across the room, yelled after it as it fell in a fluttering, graceless pile on my bed. "What the hell am I supposed to do!"

Except there was no answer. I couldn't even hear my brother moving around. Good. Nobody's here to listen to me vent. And I needed to vent a lot.

I haven't thought on it yet. No, I didn't want to. It was there, shadow in my mind, covered over by Socrates' madness. Madness that forced me to question myself. I didn't want to. I didn't want to go there. But what was I to do? I was alone, it was two in the morning, prom wasn't going to happen for twelve or so hours, I couldn't sleep, and Socrates was demanding I look into myself. And I didn't want to.

I was frightened of what I would find.

And then my eyes caught something on my desk. It was a picture frame, I think. It looked like one, although I only saw its velvet-backed behind with the silver border and the delicate engravings. It looked like Kairi's gift to me last year when Sora and I had our annual massive birthday bash. I wasn't sure if it was a simple frame that did it but an image flashed into my mind. It was brief, fleeting, obscured by the shadow in my mind, but I could see it, the long auburn hair in the wind. And eyes, blue eyes with amethyst flecks.

I leaned over and gently lifted up the picture frame. My fingers pressed firmly into the cool metal and my eyes skimmed over the delicate vines in silver. I turned the picture frame so I could see the picture, and for the longest time, I think, I sat there, leaning back in my chair and looking thoughtfully at the image in the frame.

When was this picture taken? I couldn't remember for the life of me. But Kairi's hair was short and she lacked the curves that defined her form now. Eighth grade, perhaps? I peered at the beach behind us, at the endless strip of blue, but there was nothing else to give away the date of the image. I couldn't remember that one day when we were down at the beach and Kairi, her arms around my neck, smiled into the camera as it captured our image forever.

I felt something form on my face the longer I stared at the image, at my sheepish youthful smile and her joy. I touched my lips; I was smiling. But I wasn't hesitating. It was a full-blown grin, nostalgic because I was feeling an insatiable happiness looking at the photograph.

Maybe it was the eighth grade. Was it really that long ago? Just four years ago, we were naïve middle schoolers who had no idea what we had coming at us? Was that it? Or was there something else?

I studied the photograph some more. I felt something twist in me, looking at the sheer innocent happiness we shared. And I kept smiling, as I gently set the frame down on my desk and sat back to study it some more. But then my eyes wandered and I spotted another frame, smaller now, with a bordering in bronze. I remembered the photo that it held; I took it last year. Kairi was going through a phase in which she didn't want to be photographed and tackled me after she realized I took her picture. It was painful but it was worth it. It was at school; we were outside and it was a sunny day with a few white puffs that resembled cotton candy. She had been staring up at the sky and I thought the thoughtful look on her face was beautiful.

So beautiful…

I reached over and picked up the picture frame, brought it close to me. I looked at her, at her face with the soft, whimsical smile and the faraway look in her eyes, those wondrous blue eyes with purple flecks. My thumb kept stroking the part of the photograph where the spring breeze was blowing through her hair, and I suddenly wondered what it was like to run my hand through her hair, what it was like to feel the soft silkiness and smell the shampoo she had used earlier in the morning.

Where were these thoughts coming from? It seemed almost sacrilegious, thinking such thoughts about a best friend, but then the shadow in my mind vanished, and all the thoughts and feeling I had tried to hide away started spilling out.

Bits and pieces of conversation. Axel's persistence in insisting I was unknowingly in love with Kairi. Those days when I took her to places on my speed bike and felt her arms wrap around my waist, felt her press close to me. When we sat on the couch at her house and made fun of every chick flick she had, held onto each other tightly during every horror film, laughed through every comedy, wept through every tragedy. Middle school, and Sora's chalk fight; we were all covered in white dust and laughing as the whole class went to the principal's office. High school, when we held strong through the four most miserable years of our lives, high school when Sora and Kairi made it official, high school where I met Naminé, high school when…I started feeling strange around her.

I always had. There had always been something different about her. Something powerful and profound. What was it? It's there, at the tip of my tongue, just beyond my sight, at the edge of my fingers. What was it? My mind won't take me there but my heart wants to know, wants to know what it was about Kairi that kept me close to her for twelve years.

"Why do I love you?" I found myself asking as I looked at her photograph. "Why do I…love you?"

It felt strange, saying the word 'love' to my best friend, and yet…it felt right. I felt something inside me release and a storm began to brew. I had unleashed something inside me.

Know thyself. I was only beginning to understand myself now.

I closed my eyes tightly, set the photograph down on the table, felt my heart clench as I saw the hopelessness of my dilemma. It was hopeless. I was in love with my best friend…and that would take away the friendship I treasured the most in my lifetime. And my best friend, I knew, was in love with Sora, and to tear them apart…the chaos would be beyond measurable. I was asking for disaster.

Then my cell phone went off.

"Hello?" I hadn't bothered to check the caller's I.D.

"Roxas? Are you alright?"

Kairi. It was Kairi.

"What do you mean? I'm fine." What was she talking about? I was alright, wasn't I?

"I-I don't know. You sound…forget it. Just…never mind."

What was her problem? Had something happened? I sat there, waiting for her to continue, but all I heard was her breathing. She seemed agitated; she was taking rather deep breaths and letting them out quickly.

"Kairi? What's wrong? It's two in the morning; what's the problem?"

"I…I don't know. I just…listen, I think Sora took one of my folders. Do you think you can go to him and see if he has it?"

School? She called at two in the morning on a Saturday about school? No, that's not it, that's not right. This wasn't Kairi.

"Um…sure…hang on a second, okay?"

"Sure."

Her voice was faint. She was whispering. What had gotten into her?

"Kairi, are you alright? You seem…off."

"I'm fine, Roxas."

"No, really, I mean it. You may be smart and focused on academics and all but I know you're not the type to call someone at two in the morning to ask about school and especially on the day of the senior prom. What's bothering you, Kairi?"

I tilted my head to keep the cell phone immobilized on my shoulder as I stood up and went to the door. I opened it and peered outside. The air was noticeably less stuffy outside of my room and I took several deep breaths in relief. I should open the windows back inside-nah, too lazy. I stepped out into the hall and went to the door next to mine. Sora's.

"Hey, Sora?" I knocked on the door, then waited for some sort of response. If he was sleeping, he would have heard _something_, right?

I didn't hear him at all. I frowned, then rapped at the door again. "Sora, you sleepyhead, you awake in there?"

Nothing again. I felt wrinkles forming on my face as I kept my frown. I sighed.

"What's wrong?" came Kairi's voice from the cell.

"He ain't answering," I said simply as I twisted the door knob and pushed the door open. I had to. The door won't swing open by itself. There's too much crap on the floor to give the door the room to move. I stepped inside and on his backpack. He had left it on the floor unzipped, with folders falling out of its pockets. Messy asshole. And once again I asked myself if I was related to Sora at all. I've been asking myself that question for eons. How the hell were we related in the first place? It was something I had continuously failed to answer and failed to comprehend.

Anomalies. I hate puzzles.

"Well, now I know why he wasn't answering," I said decisively as I picked my way through a sea of clothes and papers to where I knew his desk should be-ow! Shit! Stupid desk!

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Oh I'm right as rain. I mean, no harm out of running into some asshole's desk, right?"

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas…"

"Yes, yes, yes?" I muttered as I tapped around the desk blindly with my hands. "Crap, I forgot to turn on the lights…"

"Sigh…you're so hopeless…"

"Yeah Kairi, thanks. That really hurts."

"I was just kidding! You know I am, right?"

I didn't say anything as my hand blundered into his black lamp. I bit back what would have been a sharp retort as I turned on the lamp and light flooded the empty but incredibly filthy room. It was really, really filthy. The bed sheets weren't even on the bed, as an example.

"Roxas? Roxas, are you there?"

"Right here, Kai…ri," I muttered as I looked around. Sora really needs to learn that drawers hold boxers, not the floor. "Right…"

I saw a small rectangular box shoved into a corner of the room. Heaped on it unceremoniously was a pile of clothes I knew he had worn a few days ago. Now, a box wouldn't be interesting nor eye-catching but I knew this as well: Sora wouldn't care where to put boxes. This box seemed snuggly tucked in under the clothing, though. Weird.

Why am I noticing this stuff?

I leaned over and picked up the box. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, I nearly dropped the box.

"No way."

"What?"

I brought the box over to the light and looked at it. I looked all over it. And it was there. The writing. The images. The…why am I holding this? I dropped the box on the desk.

"Uh…Kairi?" Kairi's not one to do this. I know that for a fact. She's not this kind of girl. No way.

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite fruit again?"

"Fruit?"

"Yeah, fruit." If she says what I think she says…

"Strawberries. You know that. I've loved strawberries since forever. Why?"

"You…ever liked cherries?"

"Uh…no. Cherries aren't my thing. I've hated cherries since forever. What are you getting at?"

Yeah, it must be weird. It's beyond two in the morning, Kairi's wondering if Sora took home one of her school folders, and I'm asking what her favorite fruit is. No wonder she's asking.

"Um…nothing."

"You sure?"

"Uh…yeah. And uh…what color's the folder you're looking for?"

"Folder? What folder?"

Okay, something's up. She told me she wanted me to look for her folder and she doesn't even remember? Was Kairi lying to me? How could she lie to me? Was she trying to hide something? I don't understand.

"You told me to go see if Sora took one of your school folders home, Kairi. Remember?"

"Oh…um…"

She didn't finish. She was lying to me.

"Kairi?"

"You know…just…forget about the folder. This could wait until later, I guess. Um…I'm really sorry Roxas, for putting you through this. Um…it is late and all so…I'm really sorry."

"Kairi?" Something was troubling her. Something deep. "Kairi, are you alright?"

"I…I'm fine. It's just…I don't know."

"Um…hang on a second…" I shoved the box back under the pile of clothing, turned off the lamp, and picked my way out of the room. I yanked the door behind me and made my way back to my room.

"Hey Kairi, you there?"

"…yeah, I'm here."

She yawned. I smiled as I looked at the time. It was nearly three.

"Shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep? You've got a prom to get to in several hours."

"I should, huh?"

"Uh…yeah?" I grinned as I sat on my bed. "So…what's the schedule tomorrow?"

"Uh…what time do you want to meet tomorrow?"

"Whatever's good for you, prom queen."

"Shut up! I lost out on prom queen title, you know that!"

"So?" I loved doing this, I swear. "How about three?"

"You really think I'm gonna have trouble getting ready?"

"Hey, can't be too sure." That dress she finally picked out had looked beautiful on her when she first tried it on. But when she's ready for the prom…

"Alright then." I knew she was smiling at the other end. "Three it is. I'm gonna need my beauty sleep for sure, then."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Roxas…"

"Yeah?"

"Never mind."

And she fell silent. Suddenly, there wasn't much to talk about. Now what? I opened my mouth, then closed it. I wasn't sure what to say. Usually this didn't happen. Usually we could go on and on for hours on the phone. We used to do that back in middle school, when cell phones first became a fashion statement, but that really racked up the phone bill and got both our parents thinking we were practically infatuated with one another but…well, nothing came out of it.

Except right now we weren't saying anything at all. It was three in the morning and we were on the phone and not talking. Just breathing.

I could hear her taking each and every breath over the phone. Whisper-soft and calm. Peaceful. Relaxing. I stretched out on my bed, held the phone to my ear, listening to her breathing. Rhythmic. Tranquil. Serene. So many words, the English vocabulary was so extensive, but it was so impossible to describe…to explain…just what it was that made me…so…

"Roxas, you there?"

"Yeah, right here." Came crashing back to Earth. I blinked, then rubbed my eyes. "What's up?"

"…nothing."

"Oh…okay then." Yawn. "What time is it?"

"Three fifteen."

"We should really get to bed."

"Yeah, we should."

Silence.

"Kairi?"

"Yes, Roxas?"

"Who hangs up first?"

"I…don't know."

"Hm…"

Silence.

"I really need to sleep."

"Apparently."

Silence. I willed my lazy self to sit up and I looked at my cell. It was nearing four. And Sora still wasn't home. And I was still on the phone with Kairi. This was getting altogether way too weird.

"Kai?"

"Yeah?" I realized then that I had used Sora's nickname for her once again but she said nothing this time. Weird.

I think I'm getting tired. When I'm sleepy, I'm not very good at thinking before jumping-wait a minute.

"We _really_ need to hang up and go to bed."

"Yeah, we really should."

"Night, Kairi."

"Night, Roxas."

I laid myself back down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, the cell still against my ear.

"Kairi?"

"Yeah?"

"We need to learn to hang up."

"Yeah, we do, don't we?"

"Uh-huh. Night, Kairi."

I could hear her smiling at the other end.

"Night, Roxas," she whispered.

And I added, even more quietly, and it just slipped out of my mouth, as the phone line went dead.

"I love you."

""

Sora did come home. Eventually. I didn't bother asking him about the box in the room. I didn't want to let him know I had gone through his stuff and I really didn't want to know what he was doing with the contents of the box. I didn't want to think about it.

Ignorance was bliss.

I woke up when Kairi called me, which was like two forty-five in the afternoon on Saturday. Prom night. Excellent.

Within ten minutes I was on my way to her place on my speed bike. It puzzles me to this day how I managed to get there in one piece the way I was moving down the street. And the lack of police officers….

Amazing.

Prom actually officially started at five. Kairi thought it wouldn't take that long to get ready. But I knew what she was like. It took about one and forty-five until she was satisfied with her appearance. She was off by forty-five minutes. I should have made a bet.

And no, I'm not a girly guy. I'm also not gay, if some of you think all girly men are gay. But since I'm not a girly guy I don't fit into the stereotype of a homosexual male, right? That should make sense. Yeah, that should. Okay, never mind. Totally pointless train of thought. Anyways, hanging around Kairi forever made me very aware of what girls do when big days like this come strolling around.

For instance: the Shower. Honestly, women do take forever getting themselves all nice and clean. Kairi was the only girl I knew who could take a shower in five and appear unrushed and ready for whatever she's going to do. But this was prom. She took…fifteen minutes. Okay, that wasn't long at all.

I was standing in the hall when she came out of her bathroom. It was the worst timing ever. She wasn't naked, if that's what you were thinking you sick perverted people. She had a white towel around her and…okay, forget I called you perverted. I stared. Honestly, I did. I had never seen Kairi wet and so…vulnerable. So very vulnerable. Exposed. And then the oversexed male side of me kicked in. Big time.

"Roxas!" She saw me. Shit, oh shit! "What are you-what are you doing up here!"

"I-I-I…" My words came tumbling out on top of one another and I ended up opening and closing my mouth silently. A fish out of the water. I never felt so flustered.

"Downstairs!" she shrieked, ran into her room, and slammed the door shut.

It was…rather awkward afterwards.

I had no idea what women did after the Shower. Was it the Make-up or the Dress-up? I never bothered to ask and I knew I'd be in serious shit if I tried to find out myself. Because the worst case scenario: I walk in on Kairi when she…doesn't have any clothes on-images! No, no, can't think like that! What's wrong with me!

I feel so disgusting.

Well she eventually did come out of her room. She was wearing a short white under-dress – I think they called it a slip or something – and her hair was still damp. She leaned over the railing of the upstairs and said, "Roxas, should I put my hair up or what?"

Oh no. Hairstyle. The blessing and curse of womankind. I sighed, got up from the couch I was sitting on downstairs, and headed upstairs.

"Try it, then let me see," I suggested as I pulled myself up stair by stair to the top. She had the most amused smile on her face as I exaggerated the agony of climbing the stairs.

"Is it really that painful climbing up the stairs?" she asked rather casually as I reached the top and leaned against the railing, studying her. Damp hair or no, she really was pretty. But there was a certain kind of innocence that exuded from her. No, not innocence. Something else, something even more pure. With her auburn hair damp and curving slightly past her shoulder and the white slip, she looked like…light. Pure, radiant light. It was eerie…and amazing.

And she hadn't even gotten the makeup on yet.

"It depends on the manner of ascending your accursed staircase, Your Majesty," I smirked. "Where I come from, we only need to access a flight of stairs. Yours seems to spiral into the stars. I fear each and every time that I'll never cease climbing-"

"Oh shut up!" Kairi exclaimed. The clear, silver laughter that came from her echoed through the empty house. When she finally stifled her mirth, she then turned serious. "Okay, so should I keep my hair down or should I put it up in some sort of crazy peacock hairstyle?"

"Peacock?" I've seen peacock before and it scared the crap out of me. "Kairi, you've got to be joking."

"Trying to get your imagination going, my dear friend," she said formally, placing a hand on my forearm. It felt cool and warm; I instinctively tried to pull away but relaxed within moments. Her touch was…comforting, for lack of better words. A slight touch and my brain was mushing away. And that wasn't a real word. "I need all the help I can get."

She smiled then bowed her head, tightened her hold on my arm for a moment, then pulled away and wandered back to her room, closing the door behind her and leaving me as mystified and confused as hell.

Mush. All mush. Her smile echoed. Her eyes were starlight. Her touch was gentle and reassuring. I opened my mouth, wanted to call her back, wanted to see her again, wanted to touch her, to hold her close, to look deep into her eyes, and…then what? Kiss her? Where would that get me?

Somewhere. Perhaps. Maybe.

I went to the door of her room and leaned against the whitewashed wood, listening for movement. None. It was silent. Strange, I thought. What was she doing? I tapped the door with my knuckle, softly, and waited to see what would happen, what she would do.

"Kairi?" I called out softly when nothing and nobody answered. "Kairi, can I come in?"

Slowly I slid my hand down the door to the gilt handle and, twisting it, I nudged the door open. It didn't even squeak.

I wasn't sure of what was going to happen if I stuck my head in but I did anyways. I tilted my head into her room, a great space with walls dyed lilac purple and huge windows edged in pure white. I looked for her white and brown dresser, expecting to see her sitting in the chair in front of the mirror stand on the dresser top. And my expectations were on the mark. But what was she doing?

"Kai?" I heard myself say as I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. "Kai, is everything okay?"

She was just sitting there, staring at the mirror while twisting a strand of hair around her finger. She seemed…restless. Nervous, maybe. Tense? What was bothering her? The prom? What was it about the prom that made her fret like this? What was on her mind?

I slowly approached her. As the reflection in the mirror become sharp with clarity, I saw heaviness in her eyes. The light was gone. She seemed withdrawn, depressed even. What happened to her?

"Kairi…" I whispered as I came to a stop behind her. "Kairi, what's wrong?"

Did I…did I dare to touch her? I raised a hand and placed it on her shoulder, lightly, ready to pull back if she objected. But she did nothing. I squeezed her shoulder gently, wanted her to know that I was there. She raised her head slightly, then a slight smile graced her lips. But the darkness was still there, lodged in her eyes.

She felt warm, silky and warm. I leaned closer, caught the scent of strawberries in her hair. Her favorite fruit. A stir. Something was stirring in me. I swallowed, felt that something reach out and try to exert its strength, its authority over me. It wanted her. I wanted her. I knew that if I stayed there longer, I'd lose it. I'd lose myself. And I pulled away.

"Roxas," she said, her lips barely moving. "Roxas, what do I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. It feels like…like something's missing. Like…there's something I'm missing. Like I'm doing something…wrong."

"You're doing nothing wrong," I countered. "You haven't done anything wrong."

She turned her head, looked at me. Her eyes were shimmering but not with her inner light. Was she crying? I was baffled, confused, mystified once again by my best friend. My best friend. What a strange way of describing our relationship. I…I wish it was more….

"I know," she said, then took in a shaky breath. "What time is it?"

I pulled out my cell. "Four ten. C'mon, we've got to get you ready. My brother didn't buy your ticket to the prom for nothing."

A pit opened up inside me. Prom. My brother was taking her to the prom. And I would be left alone. Not even Axel was going to be there with me. He was going with Larxene. And all our friends…I'd be the only one.

"So…what do you think I should do about my hair?" Kairi asked. My depressive train of thought was broken. I looked at her, at her reflection. "Should I just-"

"Ornaments." I couldn't imagine Kairi in any way with her hair up. It wouldn't fit her. I _knew_ it wouldn't fit her. "Leave your hair down."

And suddenly I realized how close I was to her. I was whispering right into her ear, felt myself gradually overwhelmed by the scent of her shampoo. Dangerous. It was becoming dangerous. I had to back off, create a space between us. I didn't want to, hell no. I wanted to touch her again, wanted to hold her close and let her know I was there, that I would always be there. As I had been for most of our lives.

"Really?" She was hesitating. It dawned on me. She was stalling. It wasn't just some woman thing to take forever getting ready for some big, fanciful event. She was faltering, delaying, trying to take a step back. Why? What had dawned on her, told her that going to the prom wasn't the best thing to do?

"Yeah," I murmured into her ear. "I think so."

After all, her dress wasn't elaborate, complicated. No ruffles, no layers, no…well, maybe a few sequins, like those Swarovski crystals, but nothing at all like those gowns Disney princesses wore.

And to my mind came a Halloween ages ago, when we were eight. She went as Rose from _Sleeping Beauty_; I was a ghost. Yeah, simple, uncomplicated me. Fancy dress that one was, at least to our childish tastes. But the one she decided on back at Windsor…

It took all my willpower to pull away and I forced myself to take a step backwards, step by step, until I sat down on her queen-sized bed. I felt…restless. Like I had to do something. I turned my head and started picking at the pale purple bedcovers, wondering what she was going to do about her hair…and prom itself.

I heard movement, drawers sliding open and close, and things being moved on the dresser top. I didn't look, though. It would be weird, to me, to watch the transformation. I wanted to hold the image of her few minutes ago in my mind, the before, so that when she was done, I could easily compare, and tell her how she looked, whether she should adjust this…or that…or…

Why am I doing this? I love her, I love her so much, and I'm doing all this…for Sora. Helping her become beautiful…for Sora. For his happiness. For hers. For theirs. Not mine. Never mine. It was the wall between friendship and love. A paper-thin wall.

Movement in the distance. I ignored it, kept toying with the fabric. A paper-thin wall. You could see but you could not touch. No, it was a wall of glass. Nothing was hidden from you. But the silence-

"Roxas?"

Something touched my shoulder. Someone. I looked up, my mouth opening to answer, but it was gone. My voice was gone. I was stunned into silence, with disbelief.

Was this Kairi?

While I had been preoccupied with her bed sheets, Kairi had gone to her walk-in closet and put on the gown she had bought at Windsor. Then she had done exactly as I had told her to with her hair, and applied makeup as well. And now she was standing here, waiting to see what I would say. Or rather, what I would not say.

She left her hair down but applied something to it that left it shining, glossy, and vibrant. Her bangs were pulled back and pinned to the rest of her hair with a star-shaped hair ornament, a white-and-pink flower with a tiny jewel in the center. She wore earrings, the dangling kind with a long silver string hanging from the earpiece to a tiny silver jewel. Kairi, I knew, was not one to use makeup, but the little that she did dab on had transformed her entirely. Her lips were pale pink and glossy; she had put on a rosy blush and eyeliner. Her blue eyes glowed.

And her dress…it was a pale pink satin dress, with thin spaghetti straps. The top of the dress curved to her form and at regular intervals were dotted with those Swarovski crystals I mentioned earlier. The dress was simple, not elaborate, but was elegant with its folds below the waist and the sparkling small crystals bordering the edge. Hanging off her shoulders was a long thin scarf and around her neck was a necklace of white gold. A small star dangled from it, a crystal star.

"That's…" When did my voice come back? "That's…the necklace I gave you…on your…your birthday…"

She smiled and her cheeks darkened. She was blushing. "I know…but it matched, you know? Matched everything I had."

She spoke quietly, faintly, adding to her demure stance. Kairi seemed shy, very shy and self-conscious. Maybe a bit awkward. She definitely was not used to this, the dress, the makeup, the judgment that would come afterwards.

"What do you think?"

There it was. The Question.

But what could I say? Not even 'beautiful' could even begin to describe how…how…I'm not going to contradict myself. But how else could I put it? Ever as I thought this my mouth slowly went dry and something began pulsing in my ear, a steady rapid beat. The room was suddenly hot. I could feel the blood churning, my blood swelling. I tried to turn away, to look elsewhere, but this time I couldn't. She had me, had me trapped and mesmerized. She didn't know what this was doing to me, and if I…if I dared…the consequences would be horrendous.

"Roxas? Roxas, are you alright?"

Why, did I not look okay? Of course I wasn't okay!

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm quite fine."

"So…what do you think?"

I swallowed nervously, tried to work my wits into play, tried to act as normal as possible so I could get out of here and go home and tear myself apart to my heart's desire.

"Well…if you noticed my lack of vocabulary…or my lack of words…for that matter…I think that said enough. Don't you?"

She raised an eyebrow at this. "And what does that mean?"

Well, she could take it as either "I'm stunned into silence by your beauty" or "I'm shocked into silence by your lack of taste and fashion sense." How could I even think about the possibility of the latter?

I felt myself smile. "You're beautiful, Kai. That's all."

Beautiful. You were beautiful.

I guess that would suffice.

"Really?" She was smiling. She looked radiant.

"Yes, really."

And suddenly she was hugging me, holding me tightly. I was stunned by the unexpected embrace but felt myself move to return it with one just as fierce, if not fiercer. I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her against me, felt her warmth and presence, and held onto her even tighter. It was comforting. It felt right.

I was asking for it. I really was.

Strawberries. Why hadn't I noticed it before? All those years, all those shampoos and perfumes and backpacks and jackets and pies and cakes and ice cream and I took it all for granted. Smiled while she devoured half of a strawberry pie and complained about her weight after finishing off the last piece. Joked about the shampoo perfume she hadn't stopped buying since she was seven. And the perfume I bought especially for her at Bath & Body Works. Strawberries. I could smell them.

She shifted in the embrace and I could feel her, her body forming to mine. The warmth was enveloping me. I closed my eyes, sighed peacefully as we held each other.

Finally, though, she pulled back. She smiled at me, gratitude all over her. Was it just me or was her blush still darker than before?

"Thank you, Roxas," she whispered. I could barely hear her. "Thank you so much."

I slowly stood up, tilted my head downward to look deep into her eyes. The specks of royal purple in a sea of sapphire. Beautiful.

"That's what friends are for, Kairi. That's what friends are for…" I said, just as softly. And, I had no control over it, my hand raised itself up and gently touched her face. The smooth silk, vibrating with energy, with life. It was soothing. It was inciting. I felt so calm yet I felt it building up in me. Fire. Hot, intense fire. It was…frightening. I was unfamiliar with it. It was foreign to me. I wanted to shy away from it…and I wanted to embrace it, and let it carry me away on a roller coaster to nowhere and everywhere. That's how it felt. That's how I felt.

Her smile was hesitant. It was strange that Kairi didn't pull away. Instead, she seemed to be pressing against my hand, was asking me to touch her. That was even more frightening. I pulled my hand away, broke the connection. We stood there for a long time, staring at each other. Was she wondering as I was wondering? Did she…feel anything for me?

"Time?" she murmured.

I pulled out my cell. "Forty-five. Sora said he and the others would be here at fifty to pick you up."

She nodded, sighed, and pulled at her long scarf.

"Kairi, what's wrong?" I may not be happy but she should be. She had to be. "Please be happy, Kairi. Smile."

"I…" Kairi looked up at me again. Her voice was pleading. "I can't. I don't know. I…I don't feel happy, Roxas. What do I do?"

"Then be happy…if only for a little while. For me. Please. For my sake, just be happy." Smile, Kairi. I never want to see you frown. I never want to see you sad.

Her lips were trembling but she cracked a smile.

"Okay."

I looked at my cell again. "I should go. It's nearly fifty."

She nodded. Her smile faltered but she kept it up as she followed me out of her room and down the stairs. All that I heard were our footsteps, our feet moving in mechanical fashion down the hall, down each step, across the floor of the first floor, and to the doors. She stood there, a few feet away, while I fished out my shoes and pulled them on.

"Roxas," she said and I looked up.

"Yeah?"

Within five steps she was next to me. I looked at her, and I felt panic when I saw we were barely inches apart. The distance was so small…so…delicate. The balance was there, the fight, the struggle between rationality and the insanity. The need to hold back and the want to go forward. I swallowed, hoped she didn't notice my throat moving with it.

"Thank you." She leaned closer. I think my heart stopped beating. "For everything."

I felt her lips press against my cheek, and then she pulled away. I felt myself smile as I successfully jammed my foot into my gray and red shoe, and set it down on the floor. Then I looked at her. She was biting her lip, her eyes downcast. She was blushing. Again.

Did she like me? Was that it? Oh I didn't know, I didn't know!

But the way she's been acting…the way I've been acting…was it becoming clear to her? I didn't know, couldn't understand how she was acting but…what if she did like me? Then what?

Stupid, stupid prom!

I felt the flickers of rage towards my brother. Damn you Sora!

But then an eerie, cold calm washed over me. It didn't matter. Love or no, passion or no, she was my best friend and she was dating my brother. I can't get involved with her. I won't.

It'll be the end of everything. Period.

"You're welcome," I said as I made the most painful decision in my short life.

I opened the door and stepped outside.

""

I almost slammed myself into a white limousine on my way back home. It was frightening. My whole mental state was frightening. I zipped through three yellow lights-or was one of them red? Three? Maybe five. Or ten. And the limousine. It loomed in out of nowhere. I nearly crashed into it. But I swerved at the last minute and instead nearly crashed into a parked RV. That would have been painful.

Was it an RV? It was big…like a van. Like a huge van.

It's cloudy. The sky's clouding over. Rain. On prom night. What timing. Weather's been weird this year. Global warming. I hate those corporate people and their smoke-spewing factories. They're trying to kill the world!

Oh my god what was wrong with me?

I didn't even make it to the driveway. I jerked my speed bike into the sidewalk right in front of the house and fell out as the bike smashed into the concrete and laid there, its side dented. I just lay there on the lawn, aching all over, pain from impact. I was glad then that I was wearing my helmet.

Grass felt cool. Cold, actually. And damp. There had been no sun all day. Lawn didn't have time to dry out after the daily sprinklers.

The world was spinning. I sighed.

"I hate this world."

Eventually I sat up, then stood up, and staggered inside. I tossed my helmet along the way, left it in the bushes, crushing some new green branches. I entered the house like I had a fit, a toddler tantrum, like I was in the midst of the Terrible Twos. Why didn't the door break? I wanted something to break, anything really. But I knew I couldn't. No, that would cause more problems than solve them. Duh.

But still…

Upstairs, in my room, I yanked off my clothes, then pulled on black sweatpants. I went looking for an overlarge gray t-shirt in my closet when it came to me that I should hang up my other clothes first. No, I wanted to leave them lying there. I wanted chaos. Disorder. I've had it with the Spartan room!

And in a flurry of movement, I had disposed half my closet on the floor of my room. I stared at the pile of clothing, at the jackets and the sweaters and the shirts and the pants, then kicked at them. That didn't do much. I still felt it inside. That simmering hatred. That fury. That jealousy. That hurt. That despair.

Despair. What a powerful word.

"Damn it!" Wasn't loud enough. "DAMN IT!"

I felt better. Slightly better. But I couldn't get it out. The pain was still there. Anguish. I was miserable. More than miserable. I was miserable and alone. Achingly, painfully alone.

And suddenly, I remembered Naminé.

I hadn't felt this way when I was with her. I felt happy, happy because I could love and be loved in return. She was such a kind person, could see beyond my-yes, I admit it-moody exterior. She was special. She was. She isn't now. The Naminé I encountered in the hall weeks ago wasn't the sweet blonde teenage girl I knew when we were dating. She was someone else. A complete stranger.

But Kairi was never another person. She had always been one person, that one special person I held so dear for all my life. My foundation, my base. I was nothing without her.

Friendship. I was so happy with friendship, so content, so peaceful. But no longer. Friendship was then. Now…now it was…

I fell to my knees, felt the pain as I hit the floor of my room.

"I love you," I heard myself say from a faraway place. No tears came but my heart was crying. My voice was crying. "I love you so much…and I can't do anything about it. Why, Kairi? Why did it have to be you? I didn't ask for this, I didn't…ask for this! Anything but this! My God, why did it have to be you? Why?"

I felt myself bend over, until my head touched the floor. I didn't try to fight the gravity, couldn't; my body wracked with dry sobs. Pain. It was so painful. I felt myself convulsing each and every time I tried to breathe. My eyes were dry but inside I was crying. I was sobbing. And my eyes were dry. I could shed no tears but inside my heart was weeping. Despairing.

Life was cruel.

''

Eternity spun forever around me, over me, with me. I opened my eyes, realized that I was lying on one of my sweaters. I blinked, then realized that the gray mound in front of my eyes was the shirt I was looking for when I snapped. And then it came to me that I had fallen asleep.

I was aching all over. Every muscle was shaking, every joint protested movement, and I felt hurt all over. Even deep inside me.

There it was again. A faint buzzing sound. It had woken me up. I reached out, felt around the dark room, but found only more clothing. Where had all these clothes come from? And that buzzing sound…

And in the silence following the buzzing I heard rain. It was raining. And I, poor pathetic me, thought it was like I was crying. No tears fell but the sky was crying. In my place.

Why am I so stupid? There's a reason for rain of course, a very technical, very scientific one. But to me, the sky was crying for me. Because I couldn't let the tears fall myself. But they were there, within me. A lump lodged in my throat.

Where was that buzzing sound coming from? I reached out again, found nothing, then decided it would be better if I sat up. It was slow and painful but I forced myself into a sitting position. I touched my side; it felt cold from the hard wooden floor. Mom always warned against sleeping on cold floors but it wasn't my fault I just fell asleep just like that. I guess my body couldn't take it anymore, wanted to escape the pain lodged inside me, embedded in my heart. A splinter that I couldn't pull out.

The buzzing. It was getting on my nerves. I followed the sound, groped around in the darkness until my hands encased a hard object under-no, inside fabric. My pants. It was my cell phone. Who could be calling me? My parents would be busy with my uncle and his family; my brother and everybody we knew were at the prom. Who would be calling me?

I fished out my cell as it fell silent again. Then it buzzed and I nearly dropped the phone. I hate the phone when it's on Vibrate. It's just bizarre how cell phones could shake like that.

Unknown ID. Who could be calling me? I flipped the phone open.

"Hello?"

"This is Roxas, right?"

Larxene? What-how-what!

"Yeah, it's Larxene," the voice at the other end confirmed. "Listen, we've got a problem-"

"We?"

"Okay…um…I don't know how to put this…"

I heard noise in the background. A catastrophe of sound. "Are you at the prom?"

"Roxas, are you trying to be stupid here? I hope I didn't call the wrong person-"

"Why? What's going on? Why are _you_ calling me?"

She had fallen silent but I could still hear the noise. Then I heard another voice, a frantic one. She was saying something, retorting to the intrusion but I was able to pick out one word. Strange that in the mess of noise I could pick out this one word. But then again, not so strange.

"Kairi?" My senses were suddenly turned on. Awake. I jumped to my feet. What! "What about Kairi? What happened to her? Where is she? Hello?"

"Roxas, listen." Larxene was talking to the phone now. "Kairi's gone. She-"

"What! What the friggin' hell does _that_ mean!"

"I don't know! All I know was that I was waiting for Axel to come out of the men's restroom and she just came barging out of the women's restroom, looking hysterical. _Hysterical_. She was like…like she was about to cry. And then she looked around and saw something across the building, and then just disappeared. She's been missing for ten minutes and Roxas, did you have any idea that Sora was cheating on her?"

The phone nearly fell. I blinked, tried to repeat the words in my head.

"_She's been missing for ten minutes and Roxas, did you have any idea that Sora was cheating on her?"_

Naminé? Impossible. But possible. Last Christmas, when I followed them through the mall, and saw them kissing…but that was once. She broke up with me and that was it. I had never seen them together afterwards. Never. There were no signs that Sora was involved with someone other than Kairi.

But that kiss…what could that mean? Sora and I may share the same friends, and his girlfriend may be my best friend, but we live in two different worlds. He wouldn't find it hard hiding things from me. I'm sure of it.

"W-who?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm and controlled. Sora, you are beyond dead when I see you again. I can't believe we're even related in the first place! What's with you?

"Your ex-girlfriend, Naminé. And…they just left this place. Where the heck could they be going?"

The box I found in Sora's room came unbidden to my mind. Oh gross. Hell no. No way. My brother is not…no, can't think those thoughts, can't think those thoughts…

"…again? Why don't you stalk them, if you're so sure…just because I'm the sexpert doesn't mean that-"

"Excuse me?" I was yelling. "Sexpert!"

Well, Larxene had an incredible reputation as the sexpert at our high school. I could never forget the tidal wave that occurred when Larxene stood up in Health a year ago and demanded why we weren't learning about sex. It was…very disturbing. And, to make a very long and explicit story short, people started coming to her for sexual advice. But I don't think that's why Axel fell for her.

I hope.

Crud.

"Oh yeah, right, I didn't mention it to you, did I? 'Course I didn't, I hardly knew you. So, Roxas, have you any reason to believe that Sora's been having sex before today?"

"Are you saying my brother left with Naminé to have sex!" God, why am I listening to this conversation?

"Well, no…I'm only saying it's a possibility-"

"Possibility nothing! Who told you that my brother was that promiscuous!" See, I know big words, too. Am so damn proud of my vocabulary. Am so damn not so proud of its uses.

"Naminé asked me about birth control pills last year. Were you two up to-"

"Are you some sort of shrink or something?" Ohmygod, why the fuck was Larxene asking me this? It was prom night, Kairi vanished ten minutes ago, Sora and Naminé could have been carrying on an affair right under my damn stuffed nose, and Larxene was asking me if I had sex with Naminé? Yeah, I admit that sex would be interesting but I'm not interested in it. At least not right now. "Why are you asking me this? Where's Kairi? Where did she go?"

"Hm…so that means Naminé's been cheating on you long before you two broke up-"

"Wait-what!"

What did Larxene know that I didn't? what did this person I barely knew know about me, Naminé, and Sora?

"Oh, okay, well let's forget that for a moment, why don't we? Look, I think it's come to the attention of Kairi that Sora's been cheating on her. And I know you're her best friend; shouldn't you be doing something?"

And this was why Larxene called me? Is she accusing me of not doing anything? I didn't even know Sora's been having an affair! Well…I was sure he wasn't until yesterday…

"So you mean," and I'm saying this rather dryly while I was pacing around the room stomping on my clothes in the dark and not caring the least, "that it's my fault I didn't tell Kairi about the box of cherry-flavored condoms I found in Sora's room?"

I was more than shocked by the arctic blast I received from the other end. Yes, arctic.

"No," and her voice was starting to get creepy and loud and pissed, "I'm saying that it's your fault for not hanging up on me right now to call Kairi and see if she's okay because Axel's told me everything and don't you dare take back what you told him because I know it's true and as I'm the unofficial sexpert here I know you can never take back what you told him about Kairi so stop acting like a fucking jackass-" _Beep_ "- go and find where Kairi-" _Beep_ "-because you will regret it-" _Beep_ "-you-"

"Larxene, hold that thought, I got another call," I interrupted. I didn't want to listen to her barrage. I knew she was right. Dead right. Why am I being such a fucking idiot? No really, why am I so fucking stupid? God, not even the word 'fuck' can explain how trashed I was feeling right now.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I pressed a button on my cell. "Hello?"

This time I heard rain. Yes, rain. I knew it had to be rain. And that thundering…this was a rainstorm, not a thunderstorm. I would have known when it was thundering. Then what was that sound? What was the crashing, roaring noise mingling in with the fury of the rain-the ocean.

"Hello? Hello, anybody there?"

Some random person was calling me from the beach in the middle of a rainstorm? That made absolutely no sense. This world made no sense. It never did. I decided to switch back and force information out of Larxene to figure out what in hell had just broken loose at the prom-

"Roxas?"

It was there, lost in the rain and the waves. I froze. I swear, the blood drained out of my face. I found myself sitting right down on the hard floor and not caring how painful it was for my ass. Screw my ass.

"Hello?" I said much slower. Was it-was it…her?

"Roxas…" The voice was sobbing my name. "Roxas…please…where are you?"

"Kairi, Kairi what's wrong?" Oh my god, what happened? "Kairi, Kairi! Speak to me!"

"I don't-I don't know," she cried. "Roxas, where are you? Please…oh please…"

Please what? What did she want from me? I held my breath, heard my heart beating wildly as I waited.

"Where are you? I…I need you. Please…where are you?"

"Kairi, where you?" I turned the question on her. I had to know. I had to get to her!

"The beach."

Great. Fuck. The beach was huge. Stretching for miles on end. And that's where the big building was, the one housing the high school prom.

"Where, Kairi, where?" I was on my feet, had thrown the switch on and winced as light flooded my room, and started kicking at clothing, looking for something to put on in this godforsaken weather. "Where at the beach?"

"Outside…the beach…at the dock…"

The dock.

Oh my friggin' god.

"Kairi, hang on, I'll be there in just a second." How could I ride a motorbike in this weather? "Just hang on, okay?"

"Roxas…please come, please…" Her voice was fading.

"Kairi? Kairi!"

Her phone was dead. Shit. I closed the phone, only remembered much later that Larxene was still on the line. Oops.

Within seconds, I pulled on a pair of jeans, a shirt, a hooded sweater, and a jacket over the sweater, and was storming down the stairs. Had I been less than fortunate, I could have slipped, tumbled down the stairs, cracked my head on the floor, and died right there. I jumped down the last three steps, grabbed my shoes and my keys, and went out the door. It was only when I nearly fell over the stairs down the porch that I remembered to lock the house.

My parents would _never_ forgive me if they found out.

Actually, if they found out I made my way to the beach in five minutes –usually took ten with regular traffic - without a helmet and no police car chasing my ass, they'd kill me. For sure.

But I didn't care. Kairi needed me. I had to go to her. No matter what. At all costs.

I couldn't believe it. Larxene's words kept running through my head. My brother was cheating on Kairi with Naminé and even having sex with her? Even during my relationship with her? How could that be? How was that possible? This wasn't my brother! This wasn't Naminé! What had happened to them?

And this was prom night! The biggest event for any senior, even those who weren't going to be there, like me. The time, money, passion, and energy spent into making this _the_ night and it's all ruined within moments. But what caused Kairi to break down? What happened for her to just….

Because as Larxene described it to me, it seemed like something else was on her mind when she spotted Sora and Naminé across the building. Something even more disturbing.

I didn't know where the building was where our prom was held. But I knew sure as hell where the dock was. It was a small wooden dock, of not much use except for off-shore fishing and sailing for the off-shore islands in this city. We used to visit those islands when we were little, me, Kairi, and Sora. And Riku, too, come to think of it. We were the original four and we were the foundations of the huge group of friends amassed by now. But I drifted away from Sora and Riku, and the others. Kairi was my only link to them. The only link to the childhood memories.

I was the last one to stop coming to the islands. But why?

I stepped up the speed as I neared the dock. It was dangerous; rain was pelting me, stinging me with its iciness and velocity. At times I wondered what would happen if a raindrop fell into my eye and blinded me. Breakneck speed in the dark in a rainstorm without a helmet was suicidal but nothing was going to stop me. Not even death.

I hope I didn't jinx anyone.

The sidewalk. Jump the sidewalk. I've done it before…just not on a rainy day. And that was the wildcard.

My dented speed bike jumped up onto the sidewalk…and slipped on the concrete. I've been used to this before – it came with riding such a "dangerous" vehicle – and so I threw myself off the bike and tumbled into the sand. I curled up instinctively but the vehicle was a safe distance away from me, wouldn't tumble front over end onto me and break every bone in my body. I was up on my feet in seconds, and running through a quagmire of wet sand. Wet sand was a nightmare.

Period.

I was in probably the most miserable state of my life. It was dark, the ocean winds were howling, the rain was freezing, I was running through muck of sand and rain and oily residue and junk of all sorts, I was soaked clear to the bone, I had no idea if my speed bike could take me home again, and I couldn't see.

I lied.

I saw her.

She stood there, in the middle of the maelstrom, a silent and sorrowful statue. The closer I got to her, the slower I ran, until the aching in me overwhelmed me and I just stopped…running. I stood there, breathing hard, my breath fogging through the rain, as I looked at her.

She had her head down, was staring at the sand. She was wet, soaked, her dress clinging to her. Her hair was slick and messy, having been waterlogged and thrown about by the wind. Her mascara had long since been washed away; her face had been wiped clean of the makeup. The scarf she had bought was gone; she was slowly rubbing her bare wet arms as though the very action would bring some sort of warmth to her.

Miserable beyond despair. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

Oh my god…Kairi…

And then my eyes went to her neckline, to the chain and the small star still glimmering. A light within. Beauty within misery. She was still beautiful…no, more beautiful. Makeup and hairstyle and dress meant nothing. It was cold, raining, dark, windy, miserable and depressing but she was far more beautiful than I had ever seen her before.

And two pieces of my heart mended amongst the shards.

My whole body was aching; the cold was getting to my bones. I'm probably catching hypothermia right now. I didn't care. I moved towards her, forced one leg forward after another. They felt like logs and the sand was pulling me down. The elements were not favoring me.

Screw them.

And suddenly I was standing in front of her, looking at her bowed head. Rain kept sliding down my nose bridge and dripped at the tip. The water plastered my hair all over my head flat and my clothes felt heavy with the soaked-up water. I really felt as miserable as her. Or did I?

"Kairi."

I tried but my voice wouldn't come. I felt my throat vibrate with sound but I heard nothing. Neither did she.

"Kairi, it's me. Roxas." I'm right here, Kairi. I'm here. Everything's going to be okay. "I'm here, Kairi. Please…look up."

She didn't move.

"Please. Kairi, look up."

And slowly, very slowly, she did. And I was struck by her eyes. Mournful, miserable beyond comprehension. The light was gone from them, dull and dark with the cold. Her face was withdrawn of all color; the little color left in her lips I think was slowly turning blue. Her bangs were plastered to her pale forehead, giving her a wild and disheveled look and lending her an eerie aura. Gothic. That's what it was.

Kairi…oh my dear god…what happened?

I felt myself dissolving in the rain, felt myself torn into shreds. Gods, I couldn't put words to how I felt inside, the pit in my chest, the hard hand of sorrow smacking me 'round the head. My lip trembled – from the cold or the pain? – as I raised my hand and touched her face. I didn't think twice, didn't think about stopping myself. My hand just went and pressed against her face, forming to the curves. She closed her eyes and I felt her lean against my hand. Wet strands of hair brushed the top of my hand but I couldn't feel the cold anymore. Numb. I felt numb, except for the faint beating in my ears.

Her earrings were gone. Her hair ornament. Her scarf. Her cell phone was dead. Her boyfriend finally dumped her on prom night. Her four years in high school a complete disaster. She was soaked through to the bone. It was a miserable night. And her best friend was in love with her.

Me.

"Kairi…" I felt my throat clench and my vision blurred in the rain. I thought raindrops were finally overwhelming my eyesight. That was until I felt something suddenly warm slide down my face.

Tears. I was finally crying.

I choked up, tried to regain my bearing but it was useless. My misery, _my_ misery had finally come. I took in a breath, shaky as it was, then whispered her name again. I had to.

"Kairi…" Tears streaming down my face. Sadness. "Oh my god…"

She looked away, then at me again. She was crying, too.

And so was the sky.

And then it happened.

I don't know how it happened. It just did.

My other hand went up, touched her face, too. Slowly my numb hands formed around her face and drew her close, closer than I dared. The glass wall I thought about earlier was gone. We were together, connected, but still…there was something that maintained the divide. We had always been somewhat intimate, as best friends usually were, but I was crossing a boundary. I had never dared to breach it before but suddenly it was happening. All at once. And she was moving with it. Her hands came up slowly, pressed against me, incited me to do more. I wanted to do more.

And that's when it happened.

It came to me, in the last few seconds, rain dripping off our faces, that the cold was numbing my senses. Without it, I would have been frightened, terrified as I was when I first started dating Naminé. Both of us had done it before, with different people. But between us…we've known each other our whole lives…and that was what made the difference. That's what made this experience unexpectedly and utterly new.

I closed my eyes. Hyper aware. Every breath. Every heartbeat. Every raindrop.

And I kissed her.

I could think of no way of describing it, no way other than that I tasted strawberries and light. How could one taste light? It was an essence, an aura, a fragment of someone willingly given to the other he or she entrusted. And she trusted me. I could feel it. I felt her give way and suddenly I was in her, touching her where I had never even imagined before. But the flavor…the taste of her…the essence, it was just utterly overwhelming. She seemed to melt the longer we stayed in contact. Melting into light.

But to pull back…what would I find? It had taken me ages to realize that her behavior had been suspect as well as mine but still I was frightened. I had just gone and kissed my best friend. Our friendship had been thrown away. I stood the incredible chance of leaving with a broken heart. A heart that would never recover. But I had to.

I had to kiss her. There was no other way.

I finally did pull away, broke contact, and found myself missing her, missing the _feel_ of her. The rain did something, I'm sure, to make me want her even more. I felt my heart pounding furiously as I waited, with dread, for what she would do. What she would say.

She was breathing hard, was looking at me with shock. Complete shock. I couldn't look at her any longer and dropped my eyes, looked somewhere else. Anywhere. I felt my hands slide down to her shoulders, wanted to pull away and run somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was not here.

But then she touched my chin and I looked at her.

She was _smiling_. Her eyes were shining. Light.

"Roxas…" she whispered and this time her voice was stronger, "Thank you."

And she kissed me.

**Author's Endnote:** The end is near, the end is near! I will resume working on my other stories once I have finished Part 5. Which should I update first, I ask. Please review. Just click the little button down below, write out your thoughts and opinions and suggestions and etcetera, and submit. Thank you.


	5. Eyes On Me

**Author's Note:** Due to insistent begging from a crazed fan, I have decided to finish this story a day early. It seems that if I don't get it online fast enough, she'll have nothing to read on a car ride to somewhere out there. Well, I have been ready this whole week so why not?

**Copyrights:** All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney. The storyline is mine. The feature song is by Faye Wong. You know who, I bet.

Eyes On Me

5 – Eyes On Me

It was only later that I found out the whole story behind everything. Behind me and Kairi. Behind Axel's interrogation. Behind Sora's involvement with Naminé.

Kairi. It started with Kairi.

What I had always viewed as friendship with Kairi was something more for her. I learned later the details from Orette, that she had an intense – intense! - crush on me since Day 1 more than ten years ago. My obliviousness had eventually driven her away to Sora, who himself had liked Naminé in the first place but had given up on her when she first went out with Riku.

Obviously things have changed since then.

Four years ago – during the ninth grade – I started talking in my sleep. My family didn't even tell me this. And since they didn't tell me, I never knew exactly what it was I was saying. Who knew what deep dark secrets were spilt in the middle of the night. Who knew what impulses, suppressed emotions, and hidden feelings came free in the daily darkness. All I knew was that my dreams were being constantly plagued with the presence of my best friend.

It turned out that practically every night I spoke Kairi's name. Again and again and again.

And that was around the same time Axel started pestering me about Kairi. Did Sora put him up to this?

Bastard. Brother or no, I'm killing him.

But why did Axel agree to this? He knows me better than Sora, even.

Unless Axel also knew.

Woe is me. What a miserable life. What games were people playing with me? I don't understand-

My brother was the extrovert. He was the one people saw, people turned to. He was visible. Our friends were his friends. My parents always had to think before mentioning me. My best friend gravitated to him when she realized there wasn't any hope with me. We were still friends.

Still friends.

But no longer.

And on a side note: Not long after prom was over Yuna mentioned something interesting, something about how, when she and the others were on their way to the location of the prom in a limo, they nearly collided with an erratic and idiotic motorcyclist.

I rest my case.

""

I came into the room, rubbing at my head with the damp towel, and saw her standing against the window, hand pressed against the glass and fogging it up around her fingers. She had a towel around her shoulders and underneath that my mother's bathrobe; the last I knew of that prom dress it was sitting in a miserable little puddle in front of the washing machine downstairs, along with the rest of our soaked clothes. Her hair was still damp; she had not dried it out.

I leaned against the doorframe, felt a smile come to me as I pulled the towel off my head and hung it around my shoulders. I don't know; this probably wasn't the best of times but I found myself smiling unexpectedly whenever I saw her, whenever I even thought of her. Maybe it started long ago and I never noticed it but she always made me smile. Always.

Whenever sang my songs  
On the stage, on my own.  
Whenever said my words  
Wishing they would be heard.  
I saw you smiling at me.  
Was it real or just my fantasy?  
You'd always be there in the corner  
Of this tiny little bar.

I shifted my feet slightly and the floor creaked. She turned and smiled nervously, then surely as we made eye contact. She was blushing.

How hard was it to hide one's blush? Kairi had done an incredible job hiding it for all these years. But I felt so relieved…relieved that finally it was all out in the open. We had nothing to hide from each other anymore. Nothing.

"_You were always special, Roxas. From the moment I saw you, you became a part of me. For twelve years you were a part of me. But I…I dreaded letting you know. I didn't want to let it out. What if you lost that special quality of yours? Then what?"_

My speed bike was still out there somewhere, dented and thoroughly ruined by my woefully inadequate treatment and care of the vehicle. We took a late bus home. The bus driver looked at us two soggy teenagers rather questioningly – Kairi had that prom dress to worry about – but he took us home anyways. We sat in the back, freezing our asses off because the idiot driver didn't have the sense to turn off the bus's air-conditioner, talking. Just talking.

"_Maybe I loved you but never knew it. We were little kids back then. Young. Innocent. Naïve. Foolish, even. I guess as I got older I realized who you were to me. Who you always were."_

I was so uneasy about revealing my innermost emotions but that was just my imagination. Around her, I felt free. Always felt free. And this time, I had no need to check myself. I had no need to hold back.

"_I went out with Sora because I was so scared. I was so scared of you. Of us. We had such a powerful friendship, but I loved you. I loved you all throughout the years. It was so hard, so hard trying to decide what to do, because at one point I thought I loved Sora…but really I loved you."_

She had cried against my shoulder, telling me over and over again how she had finally come to realize by the eve of the prom what she was doing wrong. The one reason why she was so out of touch with the rest of the world Saturday. Why she had panicked at the prom and eventually left.

The prom itself wasn't the biggest dream she had when she was a little girl. Her dream was going to the prom…with me. Not Sora. Not any of our other friends. Me. A little girl's dream was lost as she got older but that day, when I was there helping her get ready, the dream came back to her. She realized that she really didn't love Sora in the first place at all. That she would be going to the prom for nothing, because I wouldn't be there. That she wanted to stay with me, even though so much had been put into the signature high school senior event.

We just had to be twins, didn't we?

"_Axel's been telling me for ages that my behavior alone said I was in love. I didn't believe him. I mean for all of my life you made me smile and I didn't think more on that. But maybe to him it meant something different. And as I got older, things became clearer. But to him. Not me. I knew me and I thought he was wrong. But he was right. I was wrong."_

Know thyself. I told her Socrates spoke the sanest bullshit and she laughed. The bus driver turned his head to see what was up. The three other passengers, all strangely elderly, did too. But it was okay. It was all okay.

"_I was always wondering when you would see me. Twelve years, Roxas. And until today, until a few days ago, I had given up. I thought my…my feelings for you were things of the past, and buried them. I tried to hide them forever. But things kept happening and I kept finding myself wanting you. I wanted you to see me, the way I wanted you to, because…because it was torture. I…I wanted your eyes…on me."_

My last night here for you.  
Same old songs, just once more.  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no.  
I kind of liked it your way,  
How you shyly placed your eyes on me.  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you?

It was pouring when we got off the bus and walked the three blocks to my house. It didn't matter to us whether or not it was sprinkling or pouring. We were soaked to the bone, we couldn't get any wetter, but cold wasn't as much a factor anymore.

"_I was so scared when I realized just what it was I was feeling. A slight touch, eye contact, a call, anything, everything, every little thing made me jump. I was paranoid. And then I started trying to figure out if what Axel said was true. He was right. And it scared me. After what I went through with Naminé, I clung to you because I was hurt. And even after she was forgotten I stayed closer because I didn't want to get hurt again. But I was still hurting myself."_

Outside my house, on the driveway, I had pulled her close and kissed her gently on the lips. It was still raining. Sensuous. That was how it felt. There was an intensity that overwhelmed my rationality, left me bubbling up with the light inside her. The light.

It was difficult getting into the house, I'd admit. I couldn't get enough of her. I wasn't kidding; after that first kiss I wanted to keep kissing her forever. Sex or no sex, life couldn't go on without me drifting away on her flavor. I kept kissing her, every five steps, until we reached the porch, then the door, where we stood there for who knows how long, literally on the verge of making out.

Hypothermia was still dangerous, especially in these cold spring rains. But we only thought about it later, after we had managed to get the door open, take our shoes off, and stumble into the dark house. It was cold. Damn cold. I went and switched on the lights, then we decided on our next best course of action.

Showers.

Which was why Kairi's hair was still damp and she was wearing a white bathrobe. Which was why I was drying my hair while wearing only a pair of pants. While she had gone to my parents' room, I had wiped out my room of the mess I created earlier and went off to take a shower myself, forgetting – of all things – a shirt. And it was a shirt that caused the mess of clothing earlier.

Trivial irony.

"Hey."

Her smile was so pure, so radiant. It totally blew me over. Under her gaze I felt like I was melting.

"Hi," she said.

To my amusement, her face became darker as I crossed the room to her. I looked out the window, watched her from the corner of my eye.

"Still raining?"

She blinked for a long moment, then nodded. She was staring at me. Interesting. How much of a distraction would I become?

"What do we do now?"

The question's been on my mind ever since we came to my house. I had stood under the showerhead, steam curdling all around me, trying to figure out what I was going to do. What she was going to do. How we were going to face the world. Together. By now perhaps people are beginning to realize that the 'perfect' relationship between Sora and Kairi was over. I mean, Larxene wasn't the only one who saw him leave with Naminé, right?

Perfect. It was perfect. That's what people called it. That was until I came back into the equation.

She turned to the window, too. Her breath fogged the window as she spoke. "I don't know."

Silence. Then…

"Roxas?"

"Yeah?" I looked at her, waited for her to say something.

Gods, she looked so beautiful…

"Last night…about last night…"

"What about it?" That bizarre conversation was still rather fresh on my mind. So many questions…

"I only called because…I couldn't sleep. I was trying to sleep, and I couldn't. I tried telling myself to close my eyes and just fall asleep, that today was going to be a big day, but I couldn't. I felt so…anxious, frustrated even. I didn't know where it was coming from but I couldn't sleep. So I called you. I thought maybe talking to you would help me but…suddenly I felt so awkward. Like I've never talked to you before. I actually called your cell three times and hung up as soon as I pressed 'Call'. I was so scared."

"Scared?" I stepped closer to her. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know." Her voice was a whisper, barely louder than the rain assaulting the windows. "I loved you forever, even though I tried to hide it until it was forgotten…but last night I was so scared. I felt like a young teenage girl on a high from some crush. But I was a high school senior with a twin as her boyfriend and the other twin as her best friend. I kept telling myself that Sora was my boyfriend and that I loved him but…you know how wrong that felt to me? When I first started dating Sora, I felt so nervous around him because I've never been in a relationship before but I got used to it. And suddenly I started getting nervous around you. I couldn't calm down, even though I tried to hide it. It started getting the best of me, too, and that scared me so much. It was out of the blue, out of nowhere, and it became clear to me last night."

She suddenly turned her head and looked at me.

"But when I stopped myself from hanging up the fourth time and heard your voice, I felt so calm. So peaceful. Like everything was going to be alright. How'd you do that, Roxas? How do you do that?"

Baffled. I opened my mouth but closed it tightly, realizing I had no way of responding to this. No way of explaining it. I didn't know. I didn't even have a clue who was calling me when I answered the phone that night. And I wasn't in the greatest of moods when she did call. I was going through my own self-examination at the time.

"I…"

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face,  
As if you're never hurt,  
As if you're never down.  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure?  
If frown is shown then,  
I will know that you are no dreamer.

"And…when we stopped talking…and it was just all quiet…I don't know. Talking to you – lying to you, actually – and then listening to you breathing, it just made everything seem right. You made me feel so peaceful. You set my world right again. And then…when we were trying to say good night and hang up…"

It dawned on me. Had she heard me? Had she heard me say-

"…I heard you. So quiet I wasn't sure if I heard anything at all. But I did. I really did. And suddenly I felt happy. So happy I burst into tears after I hung up…and I woke my mom up." She was smiling ruefully now, as she turned back to the window. "She asked me whatever the matter was and I told her it was nothing, that I was thinking about the prom. But it wasn't nothing. I wasn't thinking about the prom. I was thinking about you."

She heard me. I felt myself go warm, knew I was flushing red, and tried to turn away. But then I felt a hand on my arm, felt the hand slide down to intertwine with my hand. I turned back, looked at Kairi rather questioningly.

"You know," and she took a step closer, "I never got a chance to tell you this but…"

The room was suddenly stifling. I tried to keep myself from swallowing nervously as she took another step closer. Energy. The air seemed to crackle with it.

"…you look really cute when you blush."

I smiled at this. She was blushing again. "Well, Kai, I never told you this but…"

I leaned forward and whispered into her ear.

"…you look cute when you blush, too."

Strawberries. I can still smell the strawberries. Best fruit in the world. Then my mouth was skimming across her cheek, felt the soft silky warmth. She gave a shuddering sigh, and I felt her grip tighten on my hand as I made my way to her mouth. I didn't kiss her, though. Not yet. I hovered over her lips, felt myself wanting to taste her again but held back, just for a moment. She was so addictive. And I felt so stupid for never knowing that.

I pulled back a little more, just slightly, but felt myself freeze up. A shudder and fire. She was tracing circles, her fingers brushing over my bare torso. It felt like she was studying me, exploring my form with her fingers, her touch. And every moment of contact was like feeding kindling to the flames. It was becoming unbearable.

Impulse. Desire. Passion. I felt it rise, the irrationality, blind and wild in its intensity. Agonizing. She was driving me over the edge. How did she come to have so much power over me?

With my free hand I stopped her hand, pressing it in where my heart was. I was so sure she could feel it beating, pounding with reckless abandon within me. I looked at her, at the surprise on her face. Another smile.

"Eyes on me, Kairi," I said simply, and kissed her.

So let me come to you,  
Close as I want to be.  
Close enough for me,  
To feel your heart beating fast.  
And stay there as I whisper  
How I love your peaceful eyes on me.  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you?

I felt her lips move under mine. She was saying something. The meaning was lost to me – I didn't have a clue what she was saying – but it didn't matter. Just the feeling of her mouth against mine was enough to send me over the edge-wait. There was no edge. I was soaring free. And I wanted to take her with me.

I pulled back, tried to catch my breath. It hurt, my heart hurt from racing with fury inside of me. I could feel something bubbling up in me, a brewing storm waiting to erupt.

I can't take it too far, I heard myself say in my mind. If I take it too far…

Kairi was saying something. I brought myself back, just in time to hear the last half of it.

"…kiss me again, Roxas."

Gladly.

I smiled and kissed her again. She shifted slightly and I felt her easing her mouth open. She was inviting me and I took the invitation without hesitation. Without a pause. With complete abandon. She made a noise in the back of her throat as I pressed in but I only sensed the vibrations. I heard nothing but a roar, felt the blood rushing as I was overwhelmed, again and again, by her. Somewhere deep inside Kairi lay a mystery, a tangible, real enigma. It wanted me to explore it and open it up to expose its secrets.

So many secrets. So many-

Her hands skimmed over my torso, brushing over my skin, driving me mad. Insane! I couldn't think, couldn't find my senses, my reasoning, my mind. A tidal wave of fire washed over me and that something that had stirred within me once long ago came roaring into me, trying to wrestle control out of me. It wanted her. I wanted her.

I finally pulled away from her mouth, from the haunting flavor that was her, and started tracing her lips. Soft. They were so soft and so warm. I could sense her breathing, realized how fast she was breathing. In and out. In and out. I found myself matching it. One. We were one.

My mind kept turning over these thoughts but my body was thinking otherwise. Two different centers of control were ruling me. My mind wondered over my love for her; my body wanted to explore her, touch her in ways I never even dared try to touch my ex-girlfriend.

I could find no other way to explain how I went from tracing circles around her lips to kissing her neck. The skin was so smooth there, and I could feel the vibrations of energy running underneath. I pressed my lips against her neck, felt desire overwhelming me as I slowly made my way down to where neck and shoulder met. I wanted her so bad; it was driving me insane.

"Roxas…" she whispered. Her voice was shaky.

Reality. How painful it was. I stopped, tried to figure out what had just happened. Tried to realize what I was doing to her, to myself. Felt the heat radiating from her skin, felt her body pressed against mine, against the window, felt hot blood rushing through me, waiting, waiting, waiting…

I pulled away slowly, and found myself missing her already. I bit my lip and looked away. Had I gone too far? I couldn't help myself but…

I turned back to her, felt a smile edging in through the fearful worrying. She was smiling, too. Her eyes were bright and light was flashing within the blue sea.

"Yeah?" I pressed my forehead against hers, closed my eyes, listened as our breathing slowed to a steady pace. Together.

"Nothing."

Usually that meant something. But I wondered if it was different this time. After tonight, things aren't going to be the same again. I know it.

"I love you."

She told me how much she loved me but this was…so direct. So sudden. So simple. So beautiful.

I tilted my head and looked at her, at the expression on her face. She was smiling, but…there was something different about it. It wasn't just simple happiness. It was…it was something else. A different sort of happiness. Relief, perhaps? Or peace. Maybe peace. After all, she had weathered a whole lot to go from a childhood crush to…well…_this_.

And I was so willing to reply.

"I love you, too."

I pulled back for only a second, and decided that the world will be as the world does. Then I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers, wanting to drown myself in her flavor again.

Darling, so share with me  
Your love if you have enough.  
Your tears if you're holding back  
Or pain if that's what it is.  
How can I let you know  
I'm more than the dress and the voice?  
Just reach me out then.  
You will know that you're not dreaming.

""

I dreaded Monday, to be honest with you. I'd be facing the whole school as the culprit, as the one who split one of the most popular couples in high school society. Me, the twin standing in the shadow of Sora, had gone and run off with his girlfriend.

But of course, that's not how it is. That's never how it is. Never, ever wholeheartedly believe in gossip. Shame on you if you do.

Sunday evening, I was downstairs on the couch with Kairi, basically just sitting there and listening to music. Her music, really. She loved Utada Hikaru. And a few others…but mostly Hikaru. Sora had locked himself in his room when he came home; I've barely seen him since prom night and he was gone Sunday morning. Right now he was in his room; his car was in the driveway and his door was locked.

I wonder if he realized I had gone through his room.

My parents came home and ended up confronting not only the three of us at the door, but also a parking enforcement officer, who came inquiring about a certain beat-up speed bike found at the beach. Mine.

Parents never forgave me for that. I'm sure of it.

Sora and Kairi made a point of never mentioning their split, but when I got to school that Monday, people started pointing fingers at me. I didn't need to ask around; they were talking about us, about Sora's split with Kairi and my being privy to it since we were living under the same roof. Bah! Like they knew anything, friggin' nosy people. But when I approached our group of friends, which I noted to be sans Sora, I was shocked out of my wits.

Axel, his arm around Larxene's shoulder, was chatting away with Riku and Wakka when he – obviously – saw me. He shouted, ran at me, tackled me, and yelled right into my _ear_, "I _knew_ it! Beat that, Roxas! Beat that!"

"What the hell are you talking about, you psychopath!" He was crazy, I swear!

"Oh don't you go around acting dumb and blind, lover boy," Axel grinned, backing away. I can breathe! "Larx here told me everything-"

She came up and smacked him on the back of his head. "What did I tell you about calling me Larx?"

"Ow! Larxene, that wasn't cool."

"Exactly."

Ouch. Sizzle. Axel's got himself a handful. And he's still grinning like his birthday had come to stay. That can't be a good thing, I think.

Unfortunately, Axel's death hug was the introduction to something worse. Selphie – Selphie? – ran to me with a squeal.

"Finally! Took you two forever! I mean, I've been pestering her forever about you two and she was like "Nuh-uh!" and I was like "Yuh-huh!" and that was for like seven years because like it was in sixth grade that cooties became stupid and silly but I don't know why cooties stopped her because nothing ever stopped her, which you should know, but-but-but like finally, FINALLY, you two got it going-"

She kept talking. Oh my god, my poor ears! She kept rambling on and on and on and nothing made sense eventually. I peeked at the rest of our friends, who were looking at me with sympathy. Actually, Riku was laughing behind his hand but Orette, my good cousin, was giving him the death glare. Some of the others were starting to smile, too. But Paine, who was Yuna's friend, had the most bored expression on her face. After all, she was out of town when all this shit started happening. Can't blame her, can I?

I was really asking for it, wasn't I? Thank Selphie for making a scene and putting all the attention on _moi_. Damn it!

"-and she actually dreamed of kissing you before, did you know that? I doubt it; she still has trouble saying stuff like this which is why I'm her friend; I can tell you everything and I think I will, at least until _she_ gets here-"

And the weirdest, _weirdest_ sensation came over me. Something was telling me to turn. And I did. Selphie shut up immediately. I could feel her eyes piercing me. Selphie never liked being interrupted or rudely ignored. Ouch.

I forgot her. I forgot the world.

And there she was. Standing a few feet away, in the midst of other students, smiling and blushing all at once. Spring wind was whiffing through her long red hair; it looked like strawberry silk under the morning sun. And her eyes…damn those eyes…and the smile, the smile I've been around all my life but never appreciated more than now…

I ran to her, hugged her tight, and kissed her in front of the whole school.

I actually felt glad when it got noticeably quieter.

When I finally pulled back, I could feel myself blushing, too. I looked around, saw that a lot of the high school students had frozen in their tracks. One of them dropped the Starbucks bottle from which she was drinking; it landed on the concrete with a spectacular blast of shattered glass.

I smirked. I was loving this.

"Hey." A finger poked me in the cheek. "Let's get to our lockers."

I looked at her, smiled, and let her go from what seemed to me was a bone-crushing hug. She was the one who took my hand and held onto it tight as we walked into school, ignoring our friends and everybody else in the process.

And for once I tread the world without fear.

Take that you people and your stupid rules of love. Love follows no rules. Love heeds only what the heart tells it.

Add that to your book, why don't you?

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face.  
As if you're never hurt,  
As if you're never down.  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure?  
If frown is shown then I will know,  
That you are no dreamer.

**Author's Endnote: **Thanks for your consistent – if sometimes crazy – support of this short story. I love y'all! Please review and give me your thoughts on this short story. Sometime next week, please check my Profile for news regarding ALL my stories, as school is messing up all my plans. And again, thank you.

_It is fin._


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